The WORLD is FUBAR and So Am I

Crashing Waves and Birds on a Tree

2011-01-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

What in hell is freedom really?

I’ve got no clue, have never been free.

If I were, don’t remember it too vividly.

Childhood, maybe,

A time when I was, perhaps, relatively more “free”.

But there has always been,

and a constantly evolving one at that,

an image, a vision, an idea,

about what this elusive thing, called Freedom could be.

All youse imaginary notions of freedom!

Unlimited money to spend,

Power you just cannot breach,

And oh, a life of security and unending “happiness”!!!

(Err, did someone just say shopping???)

As for some poor wretched souls, nothing like death.

But ask a few people around, and for most it’s Choice.

I will pray to whomever I want!

Why can’t I study whatever I like?

I wish I had the choice to do that.

Or atleast something else, but not This.

Give me the freedom to do whatever I want!!!

Well,

What exactly do you want?

I’m sure you don’t know really,

And neither do I, but then.

I have a feeling of what it might be,

For me. Peace, and harmony.

Everything in this wonderful world of ours,

Is about two things – order, and chaos.

Control the world, we don’t. Change it, I can’t.

Forget about it, I must. In myself, I should trust.

Synchronized birds flying in vast blue skies,

Unimaginably still emerald green seas.

No emotion in the eyes, a hint of a smile.

A fleeting feeling, of freedom divine.

Zeitgeist - A Must Watch

2009-11-30T15:49:00.000-08:00

It starts off quite nicely.
You have a nice laugh at all those silly religious people who have been getting fooled for centuries and centuries.
Jesus Christ was Krishna was some Persian God was some Egyptian God was a few hundred other gods.
All were born of virgin birth, on the 25th december(most of them), and travelled around with 12 disciples performing miracles.
The gods here is the Sun and the disciples are the twelve constellations.
I always felt religion, especially Christianity in today's age, is, and always was, a big farce. This video just sort of made me feel good about myself.

Then come the shocks. Boom-Boom-Boom.

I ain't blowing the whistle here. Go watch this documentary yourself. If your perception of governance doesn't change after seeing it, do tell me why.

Btw, 9/11 was an inside job. Consider this as the trailer. :D

A Letter to my Professor

2009-10-11T00:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, one of my professors commented about how he too had once been on this side of the wall, and that he had gone through more than 20 years of academics to reach the other side. He further went on lecturing us about how we cannot and should not try to outsmart him when it comes to studies, assignments, exams, marks, etc. He further, rather subtly, threatened that he could, in all his academic glory and further glorified education values, set an examination paper which would bring us(the not-so-sincere students) down to our knees.
He must be in his 40's. Which means, his twenty years of schooling/college must have happened close to 15-20 years ago. This is a letter I would perhaps like to send to him, though not sure when.

Hello Sir,
I wanted to speak to you about your claim of knowing what it feels like to be a student, and it's possible you are right. I have my own thoughts on this subject, and I hope you can see them with an open mind.

Rather than jumping to judgmental conclusions about your claim, I request you to examine this point a bit more deeply first, through the following points.How much can the world, and especially the students' arena change in 20 years?
1. This is the twenty-first century. The world is changing so fast that the US Department of Labor estimates that today's learners(Grad/Post-Grad) will have 10-15 jobs by the time they celebrate their 38th birthdays. This is in direct contrast to the times in which you studied. In your time, to get one permanent job, with job security, was the ultimate dream. It ain't so anymore. The aims and aspirations of this generation are vastly detached from those of your generation.
2.Many of today's college majors didn't even exist 10 years ago, and the one I am enrolled in is so new that it's first batch is yet to pass out. Further more, the top 10 in-demand jobs of 2010 wouldn't have existed in 2004.
3.The amount of exposure the 21-year olds(Grads/PGs - Urban) of your current class have had is exponentially more than the exposure you yourself would have had when he was 21. A normal student in your class would have seen more than 10,000 hours of television and would have spent more than a thousand hours surfing the Internet, and atleast a few hundred hours on video games.Apart from this, they would have recieved more than 20,000 e-mails/text messages, and are members of various groups/communities online.
4. Google alone gets 3,000,000,000 searches per month. To whom were these questions addressed before Google? The point here being, the students of today not only have the liberty of asking questions but to get and make the answers as well.
5. The amount of technical information is doubling every two years. And this time period will only decrease. How much information can a human brain be expected to retain? And you take great pride in announcing that you are only teaching us what you yourself learnt during your days of college, your point being you enjoyed your college years and see no point we shouldn't.By the end of 2010, the time period for the doubling of technical information is expected to be less than a month.

A few more searches on Google and we'll have hundreds more of such numerical facts which will strengthen my own claim: A professor today was a student yesterday. But that doesn't mean he can understand what it means to be a student today. He cannot, for, Shift happens. This shift just cannot be stopped. We are currently preparing students for jobs and technologies that don't yet exist. They'll be solving problems we don't even know are problems yet. How can they be expected to have the same thought patterns as a student of pre-globalization era India?

Albert Einstein said,"We cannot solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when creating them", and this pretty much sums up my feelings for my professor's thoughts. There is a generation gap, and we have to accept it and modify accordingly. It is ridiculous to keep fooling yourselves that the world hasn't changed from where you stand. It is though, ironic that it is sheer economics that drove us to Liberalization and Globalization, as a result of which Indian students have way higher access to all those things that my professors blame for the students' so-called degradation - Internet, Video Games, I-pods, Laptops, PDAs, etc.

On the other hand, the field of education is fast becoming stagnant and redundant - Nintendo invested more than 204 million US dollars in their Research and Development; The U.S. Federal Government spent less than half that amount on research and innovation in education. Any guesses on how much India spends on changing the way education is imparted in it's schools and colleges?

The stubborn-ness on the part of the people on the other side of the wall to see this as plain, neutral change, rather than to label it as rot, social crisis, spoilt-brats-phenomenon, etc. will help a lot in decreasing the student-professor communication gap. The tutorial/classroom environment is a thing of the past. A student can learn economics on his computer listening to Pink Floyd, while getting updates on his personal interests from his internet feeds. He'll be learning on his own terms. The student of today will learn what he wants to learn, but does not generally want to be taught what he doesn't want to learn. The professors want to teach us what they learnt, but they have to realize that we want to learn something else.

This entire argument leads up to the illusion of a paradox - we have convergence of the world and yet, the students want to diverge. This is the thin fine line between intellect and intelligence. Between knowledge and thought. Between being taught and learning. Let the students learn, and in the process, I am sure so will you.

Yours Sincerely,
One of those usually-absent students.

Catharsis

2009-04-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

Life is so colorful, they say
Mine is becoming darker every day.
Mostly black and white, a monochrome.
with residual splashes of color, thoughts of home.

I walk amidst misery, in silent chagrin.
Screaming like crazy, from horrors within.
Reality tells me, go search the rubble,
My soul, torn apart, is not upto the trouble.

My family's gone, and a major part of me.
Them's all I have, wherever I see.
Tears flow out, breaking the vision.
Till a point where, it's complete submission.

All feelings gone, I cry no more.
Split open my heart, hidden all the gore.
and now, Life's just one big chore.
Nothing in this world matters anymore.

- Dedicated to all the isolated victims in natural disasters ...

Nemesis

2009-04-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Shadows of the mind,
in rays of light,dancing.
Myriad designs,
beyond understanding.

Hollow souls all around,
echoing within.
Contemplation fails.
with emotion ruling.

Disturbance,
and confusion.
I wander,
a pathless notion.

A song-bird,called clarity,
calls, now, and then.
Adding further,to the
perennial polarity.

A multitude of feelings,
varied as we are,
come and go.
The solitary peace,
continues to elude.

Peace, oh peace.
Ever-lasting peace,
I am afraid,shall remain forever,
my nemesis.

Proper Fucked

2009-04-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

That's how the Indian urban roads are going to be once the Nano becomes common-place.

P.S. This is an SMS I got from SBI : "A Nano for every Indian with finance from State Bank Of India.For details, blah blah blah ...". And I know for a fact that we have enough idiots in our country who will take this statement to their hearts.

The single biggest problem in the world.

2009-04-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

D-O-G-M-A

Rationality,Upper Bounds and Kaju Katli

2009-01-27T05:48:00.000-08:00

Prelogue:
GajaBuja Fundas is the name of another blog I have. This piece was initially posted there, and makes an appearance here now since I feel bad about not having written anything here in a long while, but at the same time, am too lazy to write anything afresh.

Why the name Gaja Buja Fundas ? Why not Buja Gaja Fundas ? Could the answer be a rational one backed by logical thinking ?
Yes.
But unfortunately, rationality (w.r.t. the objective theory of self's happiness being supreme) is linked to the ultra-ambiguous 'Free Will'. We shall continue to call it 'Free Will' until we have a more scientific basis as to why we like something and why not something else .
For example, me eating Kaju Katli (an Indian sweet made with cashews) and immediately liking it is free will.Well, yeah, you can talk about taste buds and their correlation with the different molecules found in Kaju Katli, but you really don't know about the happiness part yet.
But if the whole world likes Badam Katli and only you like Kaju Katli, you still buying Kaju Katli every time you go to the sweet shop would be rationality.

So much for a name .
(There is an idea to make this a partnership blog with one more fundoo-ist. I would be Gaja and the other would be Buja. And of course, this blog would then be a collection of our funda-isms.)

Talking of rationality, one of my professors was talking about a modern philosophy called Bounded Rationality.
It goes like this : Each man's ability to take rational decisions has an upper limit,i.e. a bound.

My take on this theory : Yes, but the bound does not in any way imply the defeat of the theory of absolute rationalism. The bound will, gradually, grow outwards and eventually, disappear altogether. Eventually? Yeah, infinite time scale.
Why and How? I feel the bound exists due to what we don't know,i.e. our ignorance. If we knew exactly why(very ambiguous question indeed) we like only the molecules of the Kaju Katli and not the Badam Katli, the role of 'Free Will' gets kicked outta the window.

So, is this state of absolute rationality God? Maybe, maybe not.

_ __ _ __________ ...

2008-11-14T17:09:00.000-08:00

Meandering slowly through the cluttering with eyes wide open and an observant mind, I tread carefully to make sure I don't damage some fatally important finer detail. The triviality of some things amaze, while the sheer carefreeness of a few others frighten. I see paths leading off , off to no particular destination, in no specific terms of creation and the purpose of them all, defeats me. Even as I hope the one direction I am in holds good, a bigger way takes over in a new sense, a new sense of direction. A maze like none others.

Obstruse obstacles and blasphemous booby traps become common sight. The fights through the barricades and the frustrations of a few dead ends too, become routine.You start thinking of yourself,at most times, in the second or third person.I do.Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you know you are close to something of significance, but the mere complexity makes sure that's the closest you'll get to it. Sometimes you'd wish you had a nuclear bomb to blow it all up. And yet, at other times, it'll all seem so lovely that you'll wish it remain exactly as it always has been. Clouds make you conveniently not-see a few mountain tops, around which there never would be a way. But again, a few earthquakes might, for all you know make sure you'll never see the mountain at all. Confusion over your journey, but you never stop. Frankly, my dear, you can't.

You'll be aghast to see specific sights on the journey, while a sense of sweet deja vu, too, is possible. You'll see your own creations, and fight with them to survive. Maybe, a few will be on your side too, but you don't really know. Atleast not until the battle is over. But then again, when does it get over? Do you get to know? How do you get to know?Is there some way to know? Any way to know? Do you find the answers written on the wall or would you rather take it from the mirrors?

The mirrors. Oh, the mirrors would try all they can. To make you more confused. If that is possible in the first place, that is. Confusion through deception. Or other ways. You'll get more confused by thinking you aren't. Each of them telling you a story. The same, sometimes. Different each, at others. Of how it used to, how it is and how it will be. Of how it could be, how it should be, and how it would be. And how it is, again. And what you will do about it. What do you do? Do you do anything at all? Say something? But isn't silence supposed to be golden? Do I walk away? Which way, then? Left,right or into the sunset? The choice will be yours, but only if you are brave enough to make it. Keep making them. There is no gaurantee, really, that your first one would be correct, after all.

And so you make them. Sometime or the other, you have to;the path will make sure of it. All your choices seem to be a result of chance. You felt one to be better, left the others, realized a few roads down that it wasn't, tried to turn back, were successful;weren't, tried again, gave up, took a new turn all over again and continued on.On and on and on.

There is no signboard saying "The End", with classical music composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart playing in the background, but you know. It is. The End. You turn back and you can see all your journey.The paths you took and the paths you didn't. You try to ask the question, "Why them?". Even before you finish the question you know. There is no answer. That's who you are. Retrospection comes into play. You may even become smug, you never know.A self-professedly scientific chap, you, are even reminded of the butterfly effect. One small right turn down a seemingly harmless gully somewhere and I would have ended up a few light years away.

And this little walk down the conscience might have got dumped into the bay.

Into The Wild - full throttle cult

2008-09-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

Christopher McCandless : "I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."

Awesome Movie. Nothing but the truth.

Go watch it.

Freedom

2008-09-08T14:00:00.001-07:00

There is freedom in having nothing. There is also freedom in losing everything.

Close to my heart - Madras

2008-08-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Read something which I've been feeling a lot.Felt couldn't put it better myself, so here it is,

GIVE MADRAS BACK TO US

"We don’t want any of those integrated townships. We don’t need no DLF. Nor a Mantri. Nor a Hiranandani. One thing that all these new age builders coming into the city has done is made this beautiful city of Madras completely unlivable. Land prices have shot up the roof. Rs. 4500 per sq. ft. in Siruseri. Rs. 10,000 per sq. ft in T Nagar. Come of it. This is Madras and the beauty of the city lied in its quaint colonies and the mada streets. Where are those now. Today when I drive past CIT colony in Mylapore it is difficult to see a single independent house. Only apartments. It is really sad. Look at SS Vasan’s House on Radhakrishnan Salai. It is a piece of disaster today. An ugly looking building which calls itself Acropolis. To people living in the city like me since birth we are quite happy to be wear the conservative hat. Of being a city with enduring values and new age thinking. Of being a city with a higher state of mind. I clearly see Madras going the Bangalore route and it is time to wake up."

I found it on Metblogs, a very interesting site.

India After Gandhi - Axes Of Conflict

2008-08-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

In his book, India After Gandhi , Ramachandra Guha broadly speaks about four axes of conflicts which are pre-eminent in India.
He further says,his book is nothing but "a story,above all, of social conflicts, of how these arise, how they are expressed, and how their resolution is sought." .

First up, there is the issue of caste - whom we fight,whom we fight against,whom we vote for and a whole array of other decisions are often taken based on caste in our society. Caste conflates into two Indian words: jati, the endogamous group one is born into, and varna, the place that group occupies in the system of social stratification mandated by Hindu scripture. There are four original varnas, with the former 'Untouchables' constituting the fifth and the lowest strata. Into these varnas fit the 3,000 and more jatis, each challenging those in the same region,that are ranked above it, and being in turn challenged by those below.

Second comes language. The Constitution of India recognizes twenty-two languages as 'official'. The most important of these is Hindi, which in one form or another is spoken by upwards of 400 million people.Naturally, national unity and linguistic diversity have not always been seen to be compatible. Indians speaking one tongue have often fought with Indians who speak another and the practice continues to exist.

Then there is religion. Though the vast majority is Hindus, India also has the second largest population of Muslims in the world(about 140 million; only Indonesia has more). Substantial communities of Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains exist too and it should hardly be a surprise that Indians of one religion have many a times quarreled with Indians worshipping another God.

The fourth and final major axis of conflict is class. India is a land of massive economic polarization.While a sizable number of the world's billionaires are Indians, fully 26 per cent of our population, about 300 million individuals, are said to live below the official poverty line. While the disparity is in the form of landholding in the countryside, huge gaps between incomes is a common sight in the cities.And of course, these asymmetries have fuelled many a movement of opposition.

P.S. A minor axis of conflict to be noted, I feel, is sex. With growing protests on gender equality and any expression of male domination coming under national scrutiny, sex might turn out to become the fifth major axis of conflict someday.

India After Gandhi

2008-08-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

The most interesting,intriguing,inspiring,exasperating,shocking,stunning,-and a whole lot of other adjectives-,diverse,difficult country.
The one and only India .

Everyone says they've read about the history of India,in the process completely forgetting that an India came into existence only on 15th August 1947. What they do know is about the pre-independence struggles over-glorified in our pathetic history text-books, peppered with a hundred and one misconceptions and more.For all practical purposes (and a few not so practical) , history has become synonymous with one date : 15th August 1947. History ended for most people on this day with a few exceptions, the Gandhian fanatics , for whom the date was extended to Jan 30, 1948 .

To know about the history of Independent India (India after Gandhi??) , read India after Gandhi by Ramachandra Guha .

200 pages into the book , and after many a revelation came to light, I felt it would be a good exercise to jot down some stuff here,and sincerely hope I manage to do so without falling into the pitfalls of procrastination.

I shall speak on specific topics later on, while this post shall serve as a general one.This series of posts will contain quotes, taken from Guha's epic work .

Ever since I started reading this book, one constant feeling which has been growing in my mind is awe. Of two different subjects- the author , who must have gone through tons of reading material , literally speaking ; and of the fact that 60 odd years after Independence , India is still existing as a single entity.

Alongside, an exponentially growing fear also came into existence - how long is it going to be before India breaks up due to internal strife ???

"There was no Indian nation or country in the past;nor would there be one in the future"

"Unlike France,or Germany or Italy, there was here no national essence,no glue to bind the people and take them purposively forward."

I look around myself-

the mumbai-marathi problem
the hindu-muslim problem
the sikh nation (khalistan) problem
the communist problems
the anti-hindi and likewise , anti-regional languages problem
northie vs southie issue
naxalites and internal terrorism
blah blah blah ....

"The heart hoped that India would survive,but the head worried that it wouldn't."

Void

2008-07-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

What if
The weather's never been better
breakfast wasn't ever tastier
every single thing
going just the way
you want it to

time's at your command
problems a thing of the past
misery merely a myth
and on your face ,
the smile a perennial sign .

You are so happy
so , so happy
that you feel like
you're gonna go bust.

And what if
all this pleasure
were sucked inside out
leaving
an unfathomable void ...

even that ,
wouldn't come close
to losing a dear friend.

An Ode

2008-07-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my seat , long before
the professor arrives to spread his wisdom.
For once , in all of four months
I ain't dying with boredom .

I can't wait to take down notes.
My pen races across the paper
without missing a single word .
And for once , I ain't
looking at my watch every five minutes .

Because I know that
when the bell eventually rings
The professor , the lecture hall,
the subject , and it's mystery
will all be history ,
that I won't care about .

The last lecture of the semester
Is truly a great experience to remember .

This Weather Bleddy Well deserves a post !!!

2008-06-27T05:39:00.001-07:00

What's common to

A tornado at a speed greater than 100km/hour and
A blizzard , like the ones they got up at the north pole , harassing all those poor eskimos ?

If you said they are two extreme weather conditions , you would only be partially right .The more specific answer would be - these are the only two weather conditions Kanpur hasn't seen in the past two years .

Yeah , I know , it's a great opening for a blog post , but the credit ain't mine . It's been blatantly copied from this amazing review of Dasavatharam . Thanks , Mr.Jalsa-and-Jilpa .

Anyways,back to our topic - the weather .
A month and a half back , we had a sandstorm here in Kanpur . I saw people praying like it was the end of the world and yet others close their mouths only when they realized it was full of mud.At two o' clock in the afternoon , it become night here . An everlasting one for few - a coupla dozen poor souls lost their lives on that day .
It was C-R-A-Z-Y .

One month back , it was scorching hot and it was highly humid as well . For one week , it was like hell incarnate.Everything was hot .My notebooks , my shoes , my laptop , my bedsheet even . Sweating like crazy in prickling hot sunlight .
Whoever invented prickly heat powder is God . Really .
And then , it rained . And rained. And rained .

After two days of rains , for close to two weeks , we had what was definitively the best weather in Kanpur I've seen . So much it led my friend to go and blog about it .
And then , suddenly one day , I got up early in the morning , at 7 or so and opened the door to find summer staring at me in my face . It was so hot , I couldn't see without squinting my eyes .

For one day .

The next day it rained . A bit . But not much .

The next day was H-U-M-I-D . I had sweat written all over me .
But thankfully , it was not too hot .

And then , it was bleddy dry for two , the past two days . And it was that way till today afternoon . When it started raining . I look down from my room now and it's pretty much impossible to find a square metre of visible ground . Forget dry ground , that ain't here . It's been raining for 7 hrs on a trot , and heavily at that and shows no signs of slowing down .
.
.
.
.
Tomorrow , it is expected to snow here.Not a blizzard,most probably, but they say it's a possibility .
Well , just kidding , but I wouldn't be surprised if it did .

Dost , Nanban , snehithudu , Friend - College .

2008-06-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

Sigma mnu into alpha delta will give the percentage of the faulty pieces in the output.
Sigma mnu into alpha delta.
Sigma mnu into alpha delta .

I was nervous and I had reason to be . In five minutes time , I had to give my presentation, and my head was swimming with greek alphabets I had no interest in. It doesn't really matter here . Your interest . What matters is the grade you get. Copy karo , bheek mango , fraud maaro , bas accha grade la do bas . Kaam Katham .

I was trembling as I took the mike and spoke first about the basics of the course and then this new innovative assembly line idea I had come up with. I had taken huge pains to learn all the coursework and had come up with something new that I thought would work out well .
But as I spoke with shivering notes in my hand and a trembling voice , I realized my thoughts had no relevance to the grading .My ideas fell upon deaf ears and my interests had no takers . I was a misfit here.

Frustrated I was. Anger swelled up in me as I returned to my hostel .
That fucken professor should be dismissed .
Chalo yaar , chai piyo , mast jiyo . Kai ke liye itna tension le rao ?? Chill mar bhai !!
As always ,Dhiresh was there to make life easier . And a few others .

Kya ? Fukka kaa liya ? Tik hai yaar ... agle baar dekh lete hain . Kya dikkhat hai ? ...

Chod diya ? Tumko chod diya ? Arey baap re ... Pagal hogi wo ladki . Tu chinta mat kar , usse sau guna zyaada mast bandi milegi tumko . Tumhari to kismat hi waisa hai ...

Rest le . Tu rest le pehle . Padai wadai sab bandh . Doctor ne rest lene bola hai aur wo hi karega tu . Chup Chaap juice piyo aur so jau . Chicken pox hai bhai , koi mazaak nahi ho rai idhar .

Cricket team mein select nahin hua , to kya ? Aur koi sport hi nahin hai kya ? cricket ke alava koi jeevan hi nahi hai kya ? Lite le lo yaar . . . Ek kaam kar , tu mere saath guitar seekhne aa jao , ek hi saal mein naya band form kar lete hain ...

Akele chal rahe ho ?Bahut door hai yaar service center . Bore ho jaoge . Ruk , mein bi aata hoon .

College mein dosti hoti hai .
Dosti mein masti hoti hai .
Aur padai bi usi mein hoti hai .

College main dosti bindaaz
to baaki sab bakwaas

Well , almost .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

College has , is , and will always be about the friends and their friendships . It's them who shape your personality , views and character . IITK is no exception . The technical demographics , the grades , cpi , spi , resumes , project reports , assignments , etc . will remain as pure details and nothing more .

The above post is part fiction and part non-fiction . The line between the two , is also , merely a part of the details .

I tribute this post to Dhiresh,Pratik,Pranay,Adarsh,Vinay,Sai and Sukrit . These guys have made my life at IITK memorable . Thank you chaps .

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

2008-06-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

It was a sad thing to do
loved her more than his own self
but it had to be done
for it was the right thing to do

he had sacrificed a lot
for the few moments spent with her
memories of a lifetime
and grief for many more
but he still had to do it

it sure was not the happiest thing to do
but it was the right thing to do

it was a tough job
before , during and after
her blood would make his skin crawl
suck his soul right out of him
but it had to be done

though it was not the easiest thing to do
it definitely was the right thing to do

many souls , one plight
betrayal of love and trust
the worst crime of all
unknown brothers would thank him
while he would sink into sadness
but he still had to do it

it was not the most practical thing to do
but it was the right thing to do

one single thought kept nagging his mind
many a men she slept with
making each think he was the one
what if , I really was THE one ?
or was this how she had lived on ?
making everyone think they were ...

No more second thoughts
He would do it
for it was the right thing to do
and it had to be done .

-----------------------------------------------------

He shot me down
Bang Bang
I hit the ground
Bang Bang
that awful sound
Bang Bang
My baby shot me down
Bang Bang

Swivelling Layers of Condescension

2008-04-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

I was born into this world hale and hearty
It was decided early on I was a smarty
And was written off to write the J E E
though elsewhere lay the interests of yours truly

With heart set to break tradition
I went into film and action
a hundred people had a hundred things to say
and made my family's view on me sway

this field became unworthy of my family's attention
they had to take care of their lofty reputation
My family withheld it's supple support and
I was left to find my own life transport

A few hardships for me and pity in my family stirred
All I had to do was shake my head and nod
I could become half my family business' head
and Prove to the world I was still of sterling breed

I did indeed , after a lengthy monologue , shake my head
A strong no it was and doors were forever shut
I was left alone , amidst confused love and tension
sinking , in the swivelling layers of condescension

The title and inspiration was a podcast I heard , by Suresh ......tamilians , do check out his podcasts...they are amazing .

P.S. This poem is not some self-reflecting poem or anything . I chose to write the JEE of my own stupidity .

ICE CANDY

2008-04-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

My name is Sanjay Ramaswamy. Though there will be millions of people who would have never heard of me, I am sure there will be thousands of people who know a lot about me and at least a few hundreds who are inspired by me. I was after all, one of the richest men on the face of this planet.

I am a success, in every conventional connotation of the word. It has been that way ever since my very birth. My dad used to tell me how I was one of the healthiest babies the doctor had ever seen. Born into an upper class aristocratic family, I never had to undergo any sort of failure in my childhood. The best schools , the best colleges , branded clothes , custom made footwear and of course , the silver spoon were all part of daily life for me . I did my schooling in a very posh boarding school atop a hill station and my family used to fly down to meet me every month. A truckload of goodies were normal expectations on these visitations. A protected childhood it was .As soon as my schooling was over, I was packed off to Britain for my graduation, and then, the States for my post graduation. I was my dad's lifetime achievement, his showcase trophy and heir to his kingdom, Sanjay Industries Private Limited.

I spent two years learning the ropes, patiently waiting for my chance on the throne, which I knew would come to me. With a business degree from the Sloan school, I was all set to take over the company on my 25th birthday, when my dad signed over everything to me. All 3.2 billion dollars worth of property. For those who are weak on exchange rates, it converts to approximately 12800 crore Indian rupees. Ours was the only company in the Indian top 10 richest companies which was completely privately held. And it was not too far away when it would become the richest in India and break into the world's top 10. India was the perfect setting for me. Cheap labor, gullible people and a corrupt political system. I went from strength to strength and as I foresaw, I soon became a household name in India. I was the employer of close to 900,000 people and contributed graciously to the campaign chests of almost all the political parties. I traveled in custom built limos and pricey private jets. Vacations were spent on private islands, with preposterous yachts to play with. But I was not happy. As with most stories, this one too, involves love .

Akhila. Akhila Yadav. The one and only woman I ever really loved. I've had numerous flings with ravishing females, but most of them were behind my money and the strings attached to it. Akhila was the one who slapped me in front of a thousand people for flirting openly with her. The only one who told me exactly what she thought of me .The one I lost my heart to, and the one I never tried getting it back from . I couldn’t. She was Rakesh Yadav's wife. Married to a dynamic IAS officer meant she could get away with saying most things to most people. Rakesh being the Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister's only son only added to her liberties. But the most people did not include me. I could have destroyed both her and her husband, and her dear father-in-law couldn't have done a thing about it .But even as I was watching into her angelic green eyes, I knew that I would have destroyed myself in the process. That's when I knew nothing would ever be the same again. But I refused to believe it. I couldn't stop myself for a woman, after all. I was Sanjay Ramaswamy, India's richest business man, and still in my thirties. I drove myself harder and harder after that, never leaving sight of Akhila along the way. I knew where she went, what she ate, what she bought, even her perfume labels. But the one fact that she was not mine and never would be served as a bed of thorns on which my life was being spent. For the first time in my life, I prayed to God. Sitting alone in my ridiculously large office praying, I cried.

All the crying and the numerous gods were of no immediate help for my quagmire. Slowly, though, the wheel of time took over and I all but forgot about Akhila. The boardrooms and bank accounts took over, but I was not the same happy go businessman I once was. The company was now worth ten times what it was when I took over. Newspapers flashed my name every day. I became tabloid news; even page 3 stuff .I was linked with n number of pretty damsels. Some affairs were true, but most were non-existent. The relationships were mostly physical and expensive gifts and silent threats made sure none of my private secrets were spilled out. Life moved on. I bought more companies, made more money, got into and out of politics. Every move of mine resulted in success. But I was not happy.

I knew I wouldn't find happiness in the rat-eat-rat world of business and politics. I had to get out. Only, no one cared to show me the exit. I waited patiently, knowing I would find it someday, somehow. And I got ready for it. Exactly four years back, Sanjay Industries went public. The IPO was a historic keynote in Indian business and a blazing success. I sold all my shares but one and stepped out of the organization with around 40 billion dollars. And nothing to do.

I started traveling, going from anywhere to anywhere with no fixed schedules. I started off with jet hopping from one country to another, but none of the infinite luxuries money could buy brought me satisfaction. It was not until I saw a show of Kalari-Payattu in Kerala did it hit me how little I knew about my own country's cultural heritage. So, next came all those exotic places in India. Cottages which came at one lakh rupees a day to local bachelor mansions at thirty rupees a night, ridiculously expensive massage treatments to one rupee shoe shines, exquisite escorts in historic palaces to cheap prostitutes in road side pubs -India sure was an eye-opener, and knowing about my homeland bought me some sort of consolation. But I still was not happy.

She was buying an ice candy for another kid. The kid was wearing only a pair of dirt-streaked shorts and no shirt to protect him from the scathing sun. Rough hair, bare feet, bruises all over the body and a million watt smile on his face, I felt jealous looking at the kid. For the first time in my life, I looked at another human with envy in my heart. My glare moved from the kid to the girl and I realized the kid was actually in a better physical condition than the girl. She couldn't have been older than thirteen or fourteen. Somehow, I knew for a fact that the ice candy stole away all of her pocket money. But she had a grin brighter than the kid's and was happy, while I was not .The traffic signal turned green , and my driver revved the Audi away ,but the scene I saw at the signal near the Dharavi slum in Mumbai etched itself onto my mind . Like an i-pod on repeat mode, I kept rewinding and forwarding it until I got frustrated of my own unhappiness. In this dark hour of utter desolation, the truth of it hit me like a tsunami. And I knew what I had to do to become happy.

That was the birth of Operation India Tomorrow. Forty billion dollars was a lot of money to give away and my precious education came back to help me in using the money properly. I put all my expertise, connections, political clout and the media to aid my efforts at educating the under-privileged kids of my country. In three years since then, we have come a long way. More than a thousand schools, close to a hundred colleges, not to mention the extensive Student Placement Network in place to make sure the kids don't join the unemployed. Being unmarried and no big family to boast of, I put all my self into the project and received back more from it. Seeing each kid smile in my schools made my heart flutter. Their parents bowing to me in respect made me feel real self-importance. We have taken more than a tenth of India's uneducated children away from the list. More than a third of the orphaned babies nowadays find their way into some or the other of my orphanages. I have managed to inspire enough people to join the organization, and spread their love among the less fortunate. I have raised India's hopes of become a truly prosperous country. But more importantly, for once, I am happy.

Throughout my journey of life, with mostly ups on a constant down, I have realized that only one thing matters. Your Happiness. Money, women, power may bring you happiness. But it's very much possible that they may not bring you happiness as well. That small girl buying an ice candy with all her money for another kid turned my life. From darkness to light, from listlessness to sanctity. She didn't realize it, but she was buying education for all her fellow faceless children living under poverty across our country. The world even, if by God's grace we can do it. And I am happy.

Home - The Comfort Of Familiarity

2008-03-24T16:05:00.001-07:00

The same old creaking sound of the gate greets me and looking down the pathway on which I've done a thousand and one things and more brings an ear-to-ear grin to my face . Seeing my mom stand at the door sends the fatigue of the journey flying . My heart does a little somersault and gives itself a high five as I go in and notice all the minute changes since I've last been here . More importantly , I take comfort from all those familiar unchanged objects , in their same old places , all those tiny nooks and corners , embracing in their intimacy . The same old teddy staring from atop the television . Mr.Laughing Buddha smiling at me from the bookshelf . Lord Venketeshwara keeping an eye on me from the walls of my bedroom . The unkempt garden at the back of the house . My brother , sister , grandpa and last but not the least , Mr.Sols , my pseudo-brother . Even as I unpack my luggage , strong coffee smell wafts into the room , the familiar red nescafe cup in my mom's hands . I settle comfortably into the sofa and spread out The Hindu , M S Subbalakshmi's voice singing the Suprabatham in the background .
Ah , finally , back home again .

Green

2008-03-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

(this was my entry for the green themed contest on IAW on orkut)

The moment I think of the word 'green' , NATURE pops up in my mind . Trees , more specifically leaves . Bright , lively green comes first before I think of the deep,mysterious woods of Enid Blyton novels and the green in my mind goes dull and dark . Then I think of pictures of green seas , where the water appears to be more like some kind of a giant martini of green color . And it is at this exact progression that Karla enters into my thought process . The infinitely mysterious Karla . Each and every person who has read Shantaram will know exactly what I mean . The green eyes , the green skirt , the leaves with that precise shade of green that Linbaba sees in Mauritius ( is it Mauritius only or have I forgotten? ) . I keep thinking about Karla for a long time before I realize I have a post to finish . And then , I think of BRUT , the deodorant . A striking metallic green . Various other objects come into my mind - mountain dew , lord of the rings movies , my guitar case , the od old car I used to see near my school . But I keep coming back to Karla . For this shade of green that is the green that I can't think of in my mind . The one green I would love to see the most but something I know I can't ever .

Hope

2008-03-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

If you've seen this very popular tsunami video , the water recedes back quite a bit and then this huge,HUGE wave comes crashing out ,out of the blue . Similarly , there are times in life when you are going through a dark phase but the thought of something better , something you cherish , something so special you can't even describe it properly just makes you swell up with a gigantic wave of happiness . The very thought of it makes you burst out in a hopeless grin . In shawshank redemption , Red says that hope can drive a man insane , but I feel , in reality , hope is what drives the world . Hope , that you are gonna be part of a brighter future , a happier scene , a satisfied moment , at peace with the world with all the faults in it . This single hope pushes back all the other seemingly inconsequential issues into the dark . You start counting the weeks , the days , then you fervently tick off the minutes . Your mind tingles in anticipation . You blush for no reason , you are that happy .
I am .
Come Friday , I'll be leaving for home .

Loneliness - Rewritten

2008-03-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

I live amidst thousands of people on campus . Five thousand odd students . Another 5000+ campus residents . Apart from thousands of others going to and coming from the notorious Nankari region . There are innumerable forums to voice our views , most notably the internet . The counseling service sole purpose of existence is to make sure I don't feel too depressed .
There are 'bhais' and 'wingies' to have discussions on anything I want to . There is a 'baap' to ensure I get properly oriented to this place . So many clubs , so many groups , all to make sure none of my hidden talents go wasted . So many people , so many activities .
Night -long brainstorming sessions followed by relaxing tea breaks at MT , and then to sleep , to big,big dreams , revolutionary ideas , path breaking innovations . So many people , so many ideas , so many discussions , so many activities . So much I've done ; so much I am doing ; so much I've yet got to do .
Stop .
Why in fucken hell then am I feeling so lonely here ?
Long,long pause .
Am I lonely or do I see myself as being lonely ? I definitely am not lonely in a physical sense . But even speaking of the mental plane , am I really lonely ? Or am I just convincing myself that I am lonely ? The latter seems more convincing for the moment . Yes , I am just fooling around with myself . Heck, I am NOT lonely . Atleast do not feel that way right now .
So long till I feel lonely enough to sit down and write such crap as I have just written .
Ha Ha Ha Ha .

IDENTITY

2008-03-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

Of whatever I can remember of my short life so far , I've always been defending one culture or the other . Sometimes at the cost of another dear one even . It was telugu films , telugu culture while I was in school . Not a week used to pass without an argument over whether telugu heroes were more ridiculous or tamil heroes were more ridiculous . Once I moved to Hyderabad , it was exactly the same argument , only I was arguing for the tamil heroes this time around . I should have been happy with what I had and realized there was worse to come . Now in Kanpur , i have it upon myself to defend both Tamil and Telugu films apart from the occasional argument for Mallu films as well . Whats more , it's not just films anymore . The boundaries have been pushed back to include language , food , dressing styles , religion , marriage and what not . Each and every facet of our way of living has been argued over , always with two sides at the least ,mostly North and South .
Even as I struggle to break out of these societal bindings , I wonder what IS my culture ? What am I ? Chennai-ite? IITian ? Golti ? Indian ? Or should I restrict myself to a South Indian ? Or am I a global citizen ? Decide on one and arguments pop up for the others .
It's not just me either . Most students here are trying to come up with a fixed identity for themselves . And once they do , they start closing their mind for other suggestions , other options and stand steadfast by their identities , irrespective of whether their identities are justified or not . A self-professed fan of SRK is never gonna(mostly) accept that SRK is no better than Rajni , while a strictly Rajni fan might not be able to come to peace with the fact that Rajni is no longer the amazing performer he once was . You might be wondering...is this all part of one's identity ? Do our fave heroes , our food habits form a part of our identity ? Definitely . People fucken die for Rajni man .
Lets get back to the topic . Identity . Can anyone have a fixed identity which isn't ever gonna change ? Say , you have never tasted coffee but strictly believe you won't like it . One day , your girlfriend forces you to drink some coffee she made and you realize you actually like it . Love it infact . More than your girlfriend even . Does this change your identity?? You bet it does . From a dumb , idiotic,ignorant moron , you become a coffee loving,dumb,idiotic,ignorant moron .
Again, so what constitutes an Identity ? Or can we even say X , Y and Z form part of your identity while A,B and C don't ? Heck, first break out of the narrow confines of your mind and come to terms with the fact that a person can't ever have a fixed Identity . Yes, you do have an identity but it keeps changing . Continuously . Perennially .
So, what am I now ? I am just Pavan Madhini . What you make of me is your problem and not mine . I am happy the way I am - a continually changing , confused, confident , cool chap who is a Chennai-ite at heart . As of now .

Loneliness

2008-03-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

My first really long poem . Comments are specially requested , irrespective of how you feel the poem is .

Amidst thousands of people on campus ,
With dozens of Clubs and groups around
Various forums to voice our views
Counseling service to listen to our woes
Bhais and wingies to share our happiness
academic batchmates to crack problems together
Security gaurds to provide what else , security
and an administration making sure you become a success

Going to classes together ,
Eating our meals in huge companionship
Spending night-outs in brain-storming sessions
Going to MT for relaxing the mind
and coming back for a sleep to dream big dreams
waking up again
going to classes together

So many people
So many activities
So much I've done
So much I am doing
And So much there is to be done
But I pause for a moment
and reflect on how lonely I really am .

Further I reflect , further I feel
Am I really lonely ?
Or is it just that I like feeling that way ?
I like things the way they are
I like speaking to my friends
I just love the brain storming sessions
Lonely , I definitely am not
So i asked , What is it ?
Suddenly , feeling lonely was not feeling so good .
And I stopped feeling lonely altogether .
After all , it's all in the mind
And the mind is what matters.
And I am a happy person on the go again .

RED

2008-03-04T19:47:00.000-08:00

Anger . Love . Valentines . Girls . SinCity . Blood . Anukokunda Oka Roju . Charmy . Manchester United . Liverpool , Arsenal . Ferrari . Schumi . Mrunal . My name is RED . Blood again . Zimbabwe . Coca-Cola . Redheads . Archie . Lipstick . Communists . Karl Marx . Sauce . Chicken Tikka . My back pack . Blood again . And again . I know , I am psychotic . Ducati 999 . My fake Nike tee . Trying to think of more "RED" stuff . Blank . Still Blank . End of lecture . End of post .

Individuality

2008-02-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

There are many a time zone
In each , soo different humans alone
Even in the humans alone
We don't have yet a perfect clone

Some fat , Some frail
Among the frail ,
some short , some tall
Amidst the tall ,
some dark , some fair
And among the fair ,
some arrogant , some intelligent
And even in the intelligent ,
We might have one lame ,
but no two ever the same .

All in all, just humans we are
And so many more beings there are
Take into account each and every creature
And you'll realize , Inequality is the law of nature .

Heroes/ Veetukku Oru Barathi

2008-02-21T09:26:00.002-08:00

He was highly handsome
slick in speed , lithely built
fought anyone and anything
after all, he knew everything

Till one day when he was terse
came something out of this universe
every throat was crying sore
For there was no hero anymore

God came around and offered one more
and asked for but one family's heir
Everyone had a recall ,
no hero is immortal .

everyone wanted a hero some
but never one from their own home .

Sicko ! Yup, Thats Me

2008-02-21T09:26:00.001-08:00

Some people call me Sick
A few others , psychotic
Still others consider me a dick
But they never ever get the trick .

#Colors#

2008-02-20T21:28:00.001-08:00

The sky is blue
And Roses are red
So many sights
so many colors
But any human, on any day
Is always a shade of gray

Self Proclaimed Arm Chair Experts

2008-02-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

Taller than tall
was how tall it was called
And bigger than the biggest
was how its ego was set
Tall and slender ,
High above the rest
Shouting down from the tree-tops
That it was the best .

And so it was, till one fine day,
There came a sudden gust of wind
made ze hero billow real sore
And then , there was no tallest tree any more
It doesnt really matter , does it all?
To be so highly one-dimensional .

Lost In The ClassRoom

2008-02-20T05:54:00.000-08:00

In the depths of the darkened room
my cynical skewed thoughts roam
Physically present , mentally absent.
Gone to place , where.....
I can have all my rant .

Far-off voices call me back .
Even though I want to do
nothing else but hit the sack
tired of thought ; dark , deep thought
which I wish I really hadnt bought

The truth of it all hits me in the face
Inequality is the rule of the human race
Justice is a myth , Ignorance is a virtue
And I dont have anywhere else to run to

Ultimate Frisbee

2008-02-11T02:15:00.000-08:00

Say frisbee and u've got images of kids throwing a disc around . The sport I am talking of , Ultimate , also known as Ultimate frisbee is COMPLETELY different ; though the basic play is same - catch,throw,run .
Ultimate is distinguished by its spirit of the game —the principles of fair play, sportmanship , and the joy of play.{wiki}
I started playing this great sport on the Elliots Beach in Chennai . Though my stay was short and my number of playing sessions didn't even cross into double digits ; I was hooked .
And so it was that I landed in Kanpur with a disc in hand . Surprise , Surprise...we have one more enthusiast of the frisbee but he hasn't played Ultimate though .
Since, it has seen a slow but steady increase in participation here at IITK . Starting in the Hall 2 quad , we have now moved to the hockey field to have our Ultimate matches .
Every weekend , both saturdays and sundays , you can catch us playing Ultimate at 1400 hrs at the Hockey Field this semester .
Needless to say , EVERYONE'S INVITED !!! ....And no prior experience is needed .

For a sample of this spectacular sport , check these videos :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-6mHYXyd9s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3QUO4StfCE&feature=related

You can also join the IITK ultimate yahoo group :
http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/iitkultimatefrisbee/

Education in India

2008-02-06T21:55:00.001-08:00

Jawaharlal Nehru had a vision in setting up the IITs . He wanted them to be colleges where the brightest of the bright students of India could study in a productive environment . Ok, so how do you know who is the brightest of the lot ? Well, that's what we got the IITJEE for .
The IITJEE is meant to separate those gifted few who are more intelligent than the others . The select few who are expected to become world leaders in their respective fields . The guys who can change our nation through their innovation and intelligence .
Not any more .
Till now, the grading system has been such that students are selected only if they clear individual cutoffs in all three- Math , Physics and Chemistry . With this year , this sytem has been changed . As of now, there exists only a total cutoff , i.e. even if u are not good in math , you can slog like an ass for a couple of years and score high enough in your chemistry section to get through to IIT . Well, what will happen IN IIT is altogether a different matter (for starters , 98 students failed in MTH101 , the most basic course in math taught at IIT Kanpur , among the most recent batch) .
The IITs have made mistakes before and still managed to keep going at the top of the race . But this one forces people to wonder if this kind of a downward trend continues , will the IITs be held in the same esteem as now by the recruiting companies ??
Apart from this , we have the usual corruption cases on some of our faculty here ; absurd amount of stupidity in handling sensitive issues like mental stress and suicides ; extra-ordinary emphasis on academics (yeah , I know....this is a technical institute) , etc. , etc. .
Our Board here had the bright idea of making our 18 week semester into a 17 week semester in order to reduce stress levels among students . Yes, you got that right ....and just that....no decrease in no. of exams or the syllabus ....this directly implies that we have more to study in lesser time ; but this somehow seems to have passed through certain thick skulls without affecting their thought process .
.
.
On a higher note for education in India though , we have our first B school in the world top 100 and no, it's not any of the IIMs . Infact , ISB (Indian School of Business) has been ranked way,way ahead of the next Indian B school , IIM Ahmedabad . ISB stands tall at #20 , while IIMA is at around the 140's mark on the world front .

On the other hand , we have a mega university coming up in Orissa , the Vedanta University . The university, which would be entirely a not for profit venture has been gifted with an endowment of US $ 1 billion from Anil Agarwal , an Indian businessman, who heads the London based Vedanta Resources corporation . With a campus size of more than 6000 acres and an estimated campus population of 500,000 at its full strength , this will be a small town in ti's own right. Chk their site for more details .

Train of Thought

2008-01-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

Have I any purpose ; extreme frustration .
Where am I going ; total oblivion .
You are the dirt of the world , said someone .
Or is that a foregone conclusion .

They feel the warmth of the sunlight .
And are lost in the moment's heat .
In the process, discount the future fate .
Winters in store ; stooped in defeat .

Am I to take bliss in their ignorance
be proud of my own so-called enlightenment .
Is anyone better at all than the other .
Am still sitting in silent wonder .

What do I feel? What do I say ?
I wait until the feeling goes away .

SEVERAL SPECIES OF SMALL FURRY ANIMALS GATHERED TOGETHER IN A CAVE AND GROOVING WITH A PICT

2008-01-26T02:36:00.000-08:00

If you think the title is weird, listen to the song here with this name first .
Band : Pink Floyd
Album: UmmaGumma

Phone and Photography - Black n White

2008-01-24T11:14:00.000-08:00

Black and white photography has got me quite hooked nowadays . I go around thinking how a specific place/thing is gonna look in a photo ; and if it will be better in B/W or colour . And sometimes , I took out my phone to verify my thoughts . Some of the better photos I clicked -

This thing I am holding in my hand is a souvenir Pranay got for me from , obviously , New York . I first tried shooting it by holding it directly against the tubelight , but it didn't work out well .

This is the view from outside my room . Found the almost parellal shadows interesting .

This is a painting on a wall at the Student's Activity Center ( it looks more like a booth bungalow than anything else ) . Though i could have cropped this foto so that the eye becomes the center , I liked this one as it is .

The last one of this post is one of those pics which you first think of in your mind and then shoot to see if it's gonna work out . I asked these two fellows to stand in the doorway in the afternoon and shot this photo , which came out exactly as it was meant to .

Phone and Photography - Skyscapes

2008-01-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

I was playing cricket at the Marina beach on the lawns beside the lighthouse when i noticed the interesting lighting in the sky . Out came the phone , and it performed as good as ever . Though the contrast adjustment in the phone didn't allow me to get a silhouette then and there , a bit of tweaking with Picasa did the job .

This one was really weird . What you are seeing is exactly as how I saw the sky that . I went a bit early to Besant Nagar beach , in my over-enthusiasm to play frisbee and got treated to this beautiful sky . Of course, everyone around were clicking pics too . This was one time I wished I had a better camera .

Again, I had to tweak this foto and then crop it appropriately to get it to it's present state .

This was a photo I shot in Ksheera-Samudram , my native village . Surprisingly, i managed to get the silhouette effect without the help of any editing software .

My first attempt at Poetry

2008-01-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

A couple of days , the sun shone bright
our bodies glowed , from the golden sunlight
The grounds were busy with all kinda sport
it was but , alack , short lived hope .

It came back with a vengeance
like a dark lord , back from his penance .
It is really, really cold again , here .
Damn this fucken blasted weather .

Heroes - Worshtu

2008-01-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

Heroes is this television series that everyone here at IITK is talking about . The first season attracted an average of 14.3 million viewers in the United States and received the highest rating for any NBC drama premiere in five years.
Today , I decided to see what it was all about and started the first episode of season one . About three minutes into it , the serial shifts to a scene in " Madras, India " and goes on to become one of the worst depictions of India I have ever seen . From blazer-wearing twenty-something prof teaching genetics to a class which definitely looks elder than the prof himself , to totally accentuated english from everyone , it is so,so UN-Indian....that I wonder why the director chose India as a location for one of his heroes if he was so ignorant about the place .
We also have a guy roaming the streets wearing a coat and a.....believe it or not.....a bow-tie . And lest I forget, the streets were cobbled too....
I am now dying to see what the rest of the series has in store for me .

Mind Your LANGUAGE ! Bleddy !

2007-12-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

Last week , i went over to my friend's apartments to play cricket and we were discussing plans to go to a movie when all off a sudden , this 40 something gentleman shouted at us , " Mind Your Language !!! " . Uh ? .
He went on to tell us how we shouldn't be using "unparliamentary" words inside the apartments and should keep our filthy chats to the streets . All of us were still staring at him like he was crazy .
And he stared back at us . The staring game went on for quite a few seconds before I thought of asking what exact words we were using . Bleddy . This was the word he had heard one of us utter which had sent him mad . ( Personally speaking , I later realized that he must have probably had a very bad day from his wife :) ) .
.
.
.
.
So much for those apartments ; lets consider IIT Kanpur . Yeah , its still one of the best colleges in India . As for the scenario in IITK , a few facts about the spoken word here are :

The first 40 or so words I learnt in Hindi (during the first few days at college) were "gaalis" , i.e. swear words .
Every alternate sentence begins with bhenchoddh .
The in-between sentences begin with madarchoddh .
The sentences which begin with bhenchoddh end with madarchoddh and those which begin with madarchoddh end with bhenchoddh .
The few rare sentences which don't start with either of bhenchoddh or madarchoddh begin with either of bosdickey/maakichooth-theri .
If you know what the fore-mentioned gaalis mean , good for you . If you don't , even better . If you still want to know , DON'T ask me .
Yes of course , every sentence has atleast two other distinct gaalis in between the starting and the ending .
Quite a few creative students burn up their grey cells in coming up with new innovative gaalis every week . An interesting example is " Mayya-ki-Bua" , invented by Ankit Agarwal .
A special should be made of "Madhar-Puttu" , which came into vogue after it was used by a Rajnikanth look-alike in Deepshika , the Hall 2 festival .

For deeper insight into the polite words used by the brightest , most-respected students of our country , two days at a UG hostel in IIT Kanpur is recommended .

RajniKanth

2007-12-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's been two days since RajniKanth alias Thalaivar turned 57 and he's still the hot topic for discussion here . Two television channels are having month long Rajni-centered programs while MoserBaer has come out with a special RAJNI DVD pack . Various other rajni-centred events have been taking place throughout this month .
Coming to the man himself , it's as if he has disappeared from the face of the earth . Nobody seems to know where he was on his birthday .
Having lived in three different cities till now , I have noticed various views about Rajni - utter devotion from die-hard fans , respect from people for his humble nature , ridicule from ignorant fellows up north , dislike , admiration , craze , etcetera , etcetera . Having seen quite a few of his films , I can't do anything but wonder the way fate has taken him from Bangalore bus stands to the highest position in Star-dom . No hero , be it Amitabh Bachhan or Brad Pitt would have ever enjoyed adulation like Rajni does . From morning pujas to BEER-abhishekams , this chap has seen it all . But to call him a BAD ACTOR will not do justice to Rajni . North Indians , and even people of other southern states have seen only Rajni the SUPERSTAR , only his action-packed masala flicks, which has lead to the misconception that Rajni has done only films of this kind .

One statement a lot of people would agree with me will be : Kamal is an exceptional actor . Let me tell you something else ; I have seen three films starring both Kamal and Rajni and Rajni OUTSHINES Kamal in all the three , purely in terms of better acting . Padhinaru Vayadhinile , Ninaithale Inikkum and Aval Appadithaan . The latter especially needs a special mention as one of the best Indian films I have ever seen . Released in 1978 , it had a female character (beautifully portrayed by SriPriya) as the main protagonist and Rajni donning the role of an MCP . That is Male Chauvinist Pig for those who don't know . Apart from these films , anyone who has seen ThilluMullu will never say Rajni doesn't know how to act . Mullum Malarum , Johnny , Dalapathi , Batsha (The king of all masala films ever) are other films where I felt Rajni gave stellar performances .

Something I've found really amusing in IITK is how ppl seem to find Rajni hitting four bad guys at once as ridiculous while they don't mind SRK chasing a scorpio in a cycle-rickshaw . Heck, every industry part of Indian Cinema has these gravity-defying scenes , be it Bolly/Kolly/Tolly-wood . But no film industry in the world has ever seen a star bigger than RajniKanth . Never will either .

For those of you who don't know it already , Rajni's next film is an animation flick called SULTAN . Now, if this film becomes a huge hit(which it probably will) , probability is there will be Rajni films releasing fifty years from now in animation format . :)

You can like Rajni or hate Rajni , but you can't ignore Rajni . At least not if you are in Chennai right now .

Those Small Small Things....

2007-10-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ever thought of those small,small things you do now and then which make you really happy for a couple of moments???Sliding down the railing on a specific staircase,having special chai in the morning after jogging , walking along the corridor and suddenly bowling an imaginary delivery at an imaginary batsman ; trying to throw the ball of waste paper into the dustbin ; actually managing to throw the ball of waste paper into the dustbin ; taking a morsel of food into your mouth and revolving it around for a few seconds without swallowing ; sprinkling water suddenly on your friends ; trying to fool your friend telling him there was a quiz during the class he missed ; smelling your cup of coffee before drinking it ; twirling your mobile in your hand with nothing else to do ; singing your favorite song and trying to tap dance at the same time in the confines of the bathroom ...........

Selfish.

2007-10-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

Observations :

Gandhiji was a great freedom fighter .
Paris Hilton is a very active socialite.
Mother Teresa did a lot of social work .
My roomie , Dhiresh is very good at business matters .

Inference:

Gandhiji did what he did because he wouldn't have been happier doing anything else .
Paris Hilton wants to become more and more famous .
Mother Teresa wanted to change the world into a better place as much as she could .
Dhiru likes to read about businesses , stock market , etc .

Conclusion :
EVERYONE IS SELFISH . PERIOD .
Gandhiji , Mother Teresa , Paris Hilton , my roomie , you , me , everyone do what we do because we want to do it for ourselves . Say , we give 10 rupees to a begger . We do it more to satisfy our conscience rather than to feed the beggar . The fact that these two points are connected is a different matter to be discussed somewhere else . Anyways , my point is every single action in this world can be deconstructed to signify an act of selfishness .

Added After a few days of posting this , the following is what my bro had to say on this:

"This deconstruction is pointless. I could counter it with - there are different kinds of selfishness. The selfish being that hurts a heart. A selfish act that causes negligible pain or damage. A selfish person who massacres millions of people. A selfish person who feeds a hungry person. A 'selfish' person who has such a profound effect on humanity that it changes the very perception of life. Therefore, there are two extremes and between those lie infinite degrees of selfishness to choose from."

TRAINSPOTTING

2007-09-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

two words : WATCH IT .

Carnival of FUN -ANTARAGNI@IITK

2007-09-25T01:45:00.001-07:00

Poets of the Fall is coming to IIT Kanpur this year . No, I am not bluffing . It's true . If any of you wants to come, contact me and I can arrange an invite for your college .

Arbit - 2

2007-09-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

# Screwed Mid-Sem 1 . But not so much that it cant be repaired . Lets see what happens in the second mid sem .
# Saw Trainspotting . Brilliant film . Fucken Style .
# Have read two volumes of Sandman , a graphic novel . Cant wait to finish the rest .
# Stopped playing cricket . Too much of fucking politics going on . Taken up tennis a bit more seriously now .
#Went to Delhi for the first time in ma life . Awesome roads . One doubt for the delhi girls..... ever heard of Salwar Kameez ???........... After all , you aint living in fucken California .
# Got this awesome set of paintings which form the portfolio for the Star Wars film series . Original . For fifty bucks . :)
#Lost my bag in the library . Along with my cheque book , pass book , among other stuff . And the security guard (read SIS for iitk guys) was sitting 4 feet away from it while someone walked away with it . Refused to take a complaint as well . SIS guards sure as hell live up to their name .
#Am doing marketing for Antaragni 07 . Thats our cultural fest here at IIT,Kanpur .
# Ever heard of a band called Poets Of The Fall ? Apparently , it is the next big thing on the rock scene in Europe . Their song 'Carnival of Rust ' rocks big time . And they are performing at IIT Kanpur next month . During Antaragni .
# Started playing Counter Strike . Not as appealing as AOE is . But is still addictive .
# Man who drive like hell , bound to get there .

ARBIT - 1

2007-08-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

#Baccha quizzes, major quizzes , surprise quizzes , assignments , mid-sems , not to mention the monstrous END-SEM . The horrible reality of exams is at us ,hard in the face, here at IITK.Not three weeks have passed since third semester started for us and already, you can catch dozens of guys flocking to the library in huge groups . For a change , I cannot criticize them , for I am studying too (though not as much so as to go the lib). We can call it mugging even, I guess.
#Even as much as I want to study hard , I am finding it pretty hard to set aside even two uninterrupted hours for study . Frankly speaking , third semester has been lots of fun . Have started playing tennis on a serious scale. Am going jogging in the mornings; if not everyday , atleast five days a week . Have lost three kgs . Become a "marketing executive" of antaragni - our cult fest. Book club work is tedious,but not exactly boring.....yet. Am preparing quizzes to host in the coming weeks . And cricket .
#Am trying to help the new batch students in adjusting to their lives here .
#Our team comprising of Dhiru-bhai, Pranay and myself came fifth in an insti-level DumbC competition, thanks to a nice effort in the rapid-fire round .
#Have been watching a few old Tamil films . Thalaivar ( for the non-tamil chaps , Rajnikanth) rocks in MULLUM MALARUM . His conversation with Sarath Babu after he is fired is worth special mention . Especially the " Kettta payan sir avan " dialogue ) .
#Saw a decent english film called "Hooligans"
#Read the amazing ' Life of Pi' . Have finished the first two books of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series . Eagerly waiting to lay my hands on the third . And of course, have read HP7.
#Presently reading 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini .
#I don't have any specific reason for writing this post other than the feeling that it had been a long time since I had posted anything here .

INFORMAL INTERACTION - RAGGING IS STRICTLY BANNED !!!

2007-08-03T15:03:00.001-07:00

Complying with the directives of the Hin'ble Supreme Court of India, IIT Kanpur has formed various Anti-ragging committees and squads for overseeing the implementation of the verdict with immediate effect ; regardless of which , ragging continues to happen in this campus, only , under the name of informal interaction between seniors and juniors . Though I have refrained from actually ragging the students (making them do obscene impersonations,etc., etc.) , I have tried to know the juniors better by asking them their hobbies and interests . From what I have learned from these conversations with the bacchaas (as the first years r called here) and from what I have heard from my friends, I describe some interesting students :

#One horribly skinny chap who had won four gold medals in gymnastics at the international level . This explains the lack of our olympic medals to some extent I guess.
#A guy who had written more than hundred poems in hindi, but didn't have a single friend to show them to . From what I hear , it took a long time to get this out of his mouth .
#A guy whose hobby was reading novels -he had read less than ten - was a big, big fan of harry potter and didn't know the name of the sixth hp book. Some hobby.....
#Another guy's hobby was watching movies . In his own words he saw more english movies than hindi ones; but couldn't name more than four english films . One more guy's hobby was to make friends. Chap must have been bitten by the orkut bug .
#Four guys till date have given this reply when asked what they do in cricket : "waisey hi , kheltha hoon ! " .
# Thera Hobbies kya hai?? : Novels padtha hoon . Favourite author kaun Hai ?? .......SHERLOCK HOLMES .

PHONE and PHOTOGRAPHY - THEKKADY , KERALA .

2007-08-03T03:46:00.000-07:00

Thekkady was the first place we went to on our Kerala trip this summer . The place was bleddy brilliant , but the mallus seemed to be pretty determined to keep Indian tourists out of the place, except for the filthy rich of course . Every single item on sale there was exorbitantly over-priced . And I feel it would be rather better not to talk about the hotels there, which were targeted mainly for the foriegners . Still, there are a few good "home-stay" places available which rent out rooms at an affordable rate . The GreenView Homes was one such place , where we stayed for two days . This picture was taken in the backyard of the place . It is my sister on a hammock . You might think I have altered the picture on photoshop or picasa or something but no, I haven't and I don't know how in hell I got the blue-ish tint . The second one is an edit of the original ; this is the firs time I am experimenting with black and white . Wat Say?

PHONE and PHOTOGRAPHY - YELAGIRI TRIP

2007-07-31T03:57:00.000-07:00

Even though I don't have a proper camera , my interest levels in photography have only increased ever since I took possession of my cam-phone , SE w810i . It's camera has the following specifications: 2 MP, 1632x1224 pixels, autofocus, video, flash .
It all started with the trip to yelagiri , during wich I clicked more than 300 photos .

That's KK cramping up to shoot some photos . I don't know how, but some of the trip photos seem to be missing . I shall upload some more , if I come across them again .

TRUST ISSUES with Mr.DOGGY

2007-07-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

There are many times in our life when we say, "Damn! It would have been awesome to have a handycam now . " . This was definitely one of those .
Mr.Doggy resides at MT (the local chai shop),IIT Kanpur and pesters the customers for his livelihood . And my roommate, Dhiru-bhai and yours truly were the (un)lucky ones today morning, with a plate of namkeen in our hands . It rather casually walked up to us and sat down staring at us , as if it knew all along that we would give it something to eat , atleast to get rid of it , if for nothing else . What followed was hilarious at the least . Dhiru-bhai got uncomfortable and threw a piece far off and told me it wouldn't pester us again . Mr.Doggy went . Mr.Doggy ate . And Mr.Doggy came back . I was already laughing when Dhiru-bhai took a long piece, bit off half of it and threw the remaining far off again . Mr.Doggy went again . Only, the piece was still in Dhiru-bhai's hand . Mr.Doggy was furtively searching for the piece which wasn't there . And it was at this point that , with a very proud look on his face , Dhiru-bhai said,"Kutthe ko choothiya bana dhiya maine ! " . Mr.Doggy was roaming around the place still searching for the piece , when Dhiru-bhai made an observation , " The dog is now ashamed of it's incapability to find the piece . Hence , it won't trouble us again . " At around the same time , Mr.Doggy decided to come back to us . This time around , Dhiresh got touched and threw quite a big piece , in the same direction as he threw the before one . Mr.Doggy decided enough was enough and didn't move an inch . "Abey saala! Kutthe ne hamko choothiya banaya . Trust issues ho raha hai hamare beech mein abhi ." By this time, we had finised our 'special chai' and it was time for us to leave . We threw the remaining pieces of namkeen to Mr.Doggy and proceeded back to our rooms, sad that we couldn't spend some more time with Mr.Doggy..........classes were starting today .

End Of The IIT,Kanpur Blog

2007-07-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Today I am gonna delete my other blog - Life at IIT,Kanpur . I have reproduced two of the best posts from there . Reading them now, I realise that I have been bashing my college quite unashamedly . The suicide-post is fraught with emotion , or so some ppl have told me . The other one is my reaction to the unbelievable number of exams we have to undertake here .

Friday, April 13, 2007

EXAMS EXAMS EVERYWHERE...NO TIME FOR ME TO SPARE

DISCLAIMER:These are strictly my personal views, those of a person who has spent less than a year here at IITK.Views on the academic system here may vary from person to person.

Here at IITK , we have some of the best brains (supposedly) of the country studying---and quite a lot of them leave the institute after four or five years with a degree and very little more.Yes, there are quite a few of them who make the most of their stay here and leave IITK with tears in their eyes and a lot of memories in their minds.Hmm.....i shudnt get started on the different type of ppl who live here....let me get to the point. WE HAVE A FUCKEN HUGE NUMBER OF EXAMS AND A PATHETIC GRADING SYSTEM TO SCREW US MORE.First up, let me talk abt the grading system here- we have 5 different grades possible for each subject-A(10);B(8);C(6);D(4);F(2).
IN ALL THE OTHER IIT's, the grading system is 10,9,8,7,6,5,4 and 2.As a result of this kind of a grading system here, what happens is that two students who have worked for varying amounts of time and have highly different marks get the same grade.For example, in my first semester here, a chap who got 50 marks and another who got 79, both got D in MTH101.The chap who scored 50 marks will be happy of course, but the guy who got 79 will obviously tend to get frustrated from the sheer unfair nature of the grading.APART FROM THIS, what also happens is that the average CPI also goes down.A student from IITM who has below average CPI might actually end up having higher CPI than an above average student from IITK.But the people outside the IIT's aint gonna know all this............

Now, coming to the exams part, let me first talk about some other IIT's(info is based purely on word of mouth):
IITM: In each semester, the students there have to go through two sets of major quizzes and one set of End-Sem exams.From what my friend there says, the chaps there have time for loads of cultural activity(he attends three lit events every week) and to play sports and what not.
IITB: These ppl have one mid-sems and end-sems.And i have also heard that their cult fest is the best in the country.
IIT, Kharagpur and IITG also have a system somewhat similar to that of IITB.

Ah....IITK, here i come.
Coming to the end of my second semester here, the first semester seems almost like an extended vacation in comparison.We did a hell a lot of stuff in our first sem......playing various sports like baddy,footie,tennis,t.t till 5 in the morning sometimes and sometimes further than that.We had innumerable "bhulla" sessions,where we discussed everything from biscuits to business;playboy to placements.....by gawd, i dont remember ever having laughed as much as i did in those days...but i do remember rolling on the ground in laughter.I did bunk classes a bit in first sem as well, but no where near as much as i have in second sem.The main reason is that I had time for myself even after attending all those lectures....some quality time during which needn't have to necessarily do something "purposeful".True, not having a lappy then meant that i had a bit lesser distraction....but i personally feel, lappy or not, this is the way i would have been now.
IN SECOND SEM, we have only 17 credits, where as we had 21 in the first.But the workload only seems to have increased.We have weekly quizzes in batthi(electronics).And our batch specially has quizzes in almost every other physics tutorial session, where the tutor is more enthusiastic than the students are about the quizzes.I remember on occasion when he announced on a thursday that there would be an hour-long quiz(on a huge, huge portion of the textbook) on tuesday--he counted the days in between on his fingers and told us, with a beaming smile, that we had four days to prepare.If it was not for the fact that he has quite a lot to do with our grades, i would have immediately stood up and questioned him on that last statement of his. We had MEGABUCKS- the entrepreneurship fest of IITK over three of those four days, starting on that thursday and folding up on sunday.I had registered for a workshop which took away two days-thursday and friday.On the next two days, i played in two tiring cricket matches, which took away saturday and sunday.Monday remaining- 4days worth portions to study.........And so it is that, we have atleast two quizzes almost every week and most chaps will be preparing for one or the other.Add to all this the weekly T.A. lab and the T.A homework, apart from the batthi lab and its lab report.Oh yeah, we are given out assignments as well, in maths,physics and batthi, meant to be done sincerely by the student on the day when it is given.ALL THIS AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN REACHED THE BEST PART YET.
We have something here called the mid-sems here, which induce, among others, paranoia,temporary memory loss, personality disorder,acute sense-loss,etc. NO, i am not talking about the end-sems yet.You will see chaps here studying at 4 o' clock in the morning, walking in the corridor, below the tubelight, who wouldn't notice if a tornado passed by nearby.
I've personally seen guys waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning--didnt even step down from the cot.....woke up, took the book near his pillow(pre-planning??) and start reading. AND WE HAVE TWO OF THESE.
WHEN THE END SEMS are still a month away, people start talking of it.And when the end-sems are about 29 days away, they start studying......as the days go by, the tempo increases.....with ten days to go for the end-sems--a friend of mine says that his wing looks like as if someone has died there and there is a state of mourning.Each is in his own custom-made zombie-like state of mugging.

To sum it all up, we have TWO MID-SEMS, ONE HORRIBLE END-SEMS AND TWO QUIZZES ALMOST EVERY OTHER WEEK..........SO WHERE DO U THINK WE GET THE TIME FOR OURSELVES??TO WRITE BLOGS LIKE THESE??TO PLAY TENNIS??SOME TIME TO SPARE...............

WHAT DO U THINK WE BUNK CLASSES FOR??????

P.S....all said and done, i still have a rocking time out here, for there is enough freedom here to set your own priorities and live accordingly.........true, ur cpi might get screwed a bit this way, but if u r happy living like that, who cares anyways...

Monday, April 30, 2007
One more SUICIDE---DARK TRUTH ABOUT IITK???

It must have began quite a long time back. Probably in his eighth standard or something! Maybe even in the same coaching institutes that some of us have studied in. Now, I don't know if Jay Bharadwaj studied in Matrushri or Sharma or even if he took coaching from eighth standard itself, but what I do know is that he committed suicide by placing his head on the railway track at the entrance of IITK. It was the second suicide since I came here last year and the fourth in less than 16 months. Feelings are varied on the campus and debates and discussions are being carried out in corridors and rooms, but for the most part , NOTHING is being DONE actively.
I had just written my physics exam and come back to the hostel. With a plate full of food and an empty stomach , I sat down to have my lunch as one of my friends plonked down opposite and said,"rey, bharadwaj chanipoyadu anta ra.....adhe ra, aarozu ACA (andhra cultural association) lo kalisamu chudu..."("hey, remember bharadwaj, the chap who talked to us that day...heard he has committed suicide!"). I didnt remember the poor soul then and neither do I now, but I DID feel sick to my stomach from the sad news and I returned my plate of food almost untouched. Some guys sitting nearby were laughing and joking about the suicide and calling Bharadwaj a coward and what not. HAVE WE BECOME SO MATERIALISTIC THAT WE DONT CARE IF ANOTHER STUDENT FROM THE SAME COLLEGE , A CHAP WHO HAS GONE THROUGH THE SAME THINGS THAT WE ARE GONNA TOMORROW,...DIES??? Over the next two days , I saw more students joking and laughing about the incident, while I wondered what his thoughts must have been while waiting for the train!

I have since come to know that he had been extensively browsing sites on how to commit suicide for the past one month. Pity. And what followed his death was even more pitiful -
An e-mail was sent to all the students announcing the "tragic event".
A condolence meeting was announced. IT WAS A JOKE. The director came on stage and read out the e-mail that he had sent earlier, mentioned Bharadwaj's tenth and twelfth class marks and concluded with a thank you. THAT WAS IT.the condolence meeting was over, even as most of bharadwaj's friends were just arriving. PATHETIC.
The HoD of the civil department, in which Bharadwaj studied, gave out a statement to the tune of ," He was JUST an average student. " Was this boys life so dispensable, so forgettable that we do not even want to mourn him? Is ANY life dispensable? I dont know what HE mean't, but not many students are surprised.This new HoD of the civil dept here, Professor CVR Murthy, is seen as an idealist for whom nothing less than perfection will do. I've heard that he was a dhussa (ten pointer ) for ten semesters straight and that even his wife ran away with one of his PhD students unable to bear him.
The much-talked about three-tiered counselling service here is in reality, only a front. The three tiers are supposed to be the student guide, the faculty counsellor and the college shrink. We don't have anything to do with the faculty counsellors, except inviting them to our hall day and some cultural events, which many students look upon as waste of money, as we have to provide them dinner as well. The shrink visits the college once in a while and an e-mail is sent to this regard, which is deleted by the majority of the students without being read.
Oh yeah, we've got this new ANXIETY HELPLINE as well. Ten professors or so are available for counselling 24/7. But, say a guy is sitting lonely and depressed in his room....what are the chances he is gonna go and look up the number of the anxiety helpline on the notice board and make a call to a prof? Would he be able to complain abt one prof to another?? Talk about his deepest feelings to someone whom he hardly knows and is a prof as well???

I have heard that one more suicide was attempted yesterday, but that he was saved. And I heard some students commenting that this fella must have probably not made enough research on suicide.Some of them were even discussing about the better ways in which he could have died.
HOLY SHIT!!!

I DONT SAY SUICIDE IS RIGHT, but we should examine the reasons which led him to death. And we should act, act fast.The grading system can be changed, for starters. Any student who has to repeat a course he doesn't like at all for three or four times is bound to get frustrated and depressed.

An excerpt from a blog written by a friend of a student who almost committed suicide:
“No, finally she didn’t jump. One professor courageously called out to her from his window and asked her to move away from the tank. She heeded that call, maybe even at that point she could not think of defying a professor. I wonder what all went through her mind? Who can tell? She must not have been more than 20 years old... maybe even younger.
“Her parents refused to let her drop a semester. After all she was a success; she had no right to fail. She tried harder. Her mother stayed with her. Finally they took her back and let her drop the semester. Her friends were happy that they were not weaklings like her. I haven’t seen her around since then. This successful place (IIT Kanpur) has a remarkable capacity to block failures out. She is not missed.
“But I am still shaken. I don’t want to end up there, no matter what, whether I am successful or not. I want to slow down. And I want to get out of this ‘successful’ place. It is so lonely; it has such little tolerance for people like her, and perhaps for people like me. I feel trapped in my success.…”
#end of excerpt#
Another excerpt :
A reputed educationist and counsellor, Dr Amrita Das, maintains that perhaps not many realise that today students are swimming in a different ocean than the one in which their parents swam. It is not marks alone that matter now, it is important to have a smart mind too. That comes from participating in extra-curricular activities, nurturing creative hobbies, spending time with friends and learning social skills. In other words, by letting children just be. It is not only IQ but also better EQ (emotional quotient) that counts today.
A request that a student had made at a counselling session continues to haunt Dr Das. “This young girl told me ‘please tell our parents to also remind us of our competencies and not just of competitions’.”
#end of excerpt#

Jay Bharadhwaj was from Hyderabad, from Ramaiah institute---which makes him connected to some of us in a minute fashion.Last year, 50,000 students wrote JEE in hyderabad.Total was 3 lakh in India.Doesn't this tell something???I've also heard that quite a few students who committed suicide in IIT's were from Andhra.....weird coincidence???
I have got some suggestions, but i am pretty sure none of them will be enforced anywhere in the near future.....
The no. of mid-sems can be reduced to one.
Compulsory attendance be enforced in lectures, of say 70 % or so.
Amount of gaming be controlled.
Some useless,unnecessary courses be scrapped.Phy lab and chem lab to name some.
Most of the tutors are useless and hence, the tutes are a waste of time we can't afford.It will be nice to see tutes being scrapped, but since THAT won't happen ever....I say they be reduced.

Coming to the end of this post, I have a request for all of you......We as Indians have to stop treating college children as babies and try to control what they can do and cannot do. Let them make their mistakes and let them learn.Please tell your relatives and friends who have great expectations from their sons to let go of their children, let them dream of their own......I wonder how many sportsmen,singers,artists we have lost just because some fathers failed in becoming engineers, and wanted their sons to fulfill their dreams.

DISCLAIMER: A lot is based on hear-say.....I didn’t mean to offend anyone by this post. If I did, I apologize. Its just so frustrating to see young lives wasted like this.

The Blogger Question And My HAIRCUT

2007-07-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

As everybody who has been in touch with me will know, I had very recently cut off my long hair (well, somewhat long ) and come to college with short hair which made everyone here hesitate to decide whether it really was me . But how the fuck can this bleddy website know about my image-changing haircut ?

My blogger question was :

The hair from your last haircut ... what would it say about your new style?

WHAT SAY???

P.S. :Speaking of hair and haircuts, here is a nice piece I read; my emotions go somewhat along the same lines - http://vinodg.blogspot.com/2007/07/con-hair.html

Nice Book Names

2007-07-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

Just now I was looking at the books I had bought in Chennai and brought to Kanpur, and I realised how much the name of the book influences whether I buy it or not . The five books I had bought were :

"I AM NOT A CROOK " -by ART BUCHWALD . (Rs.20) -The quotes were part of the name.
The LONDON HANGED : Crime and Civil Society in the Eighteenth Century - by PETER LINEBAUGH (Rs.50)
TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA - by JULES VERNE(Rs.25) . If this name ain't interesting , I wonder which one is .
THE WAY THAT WATER ENTERS STONE - Stories by JOHN DUFRESNE .
SHIVAJI ROA to SIVAJI - by ' Thiruvarur' GUNA . The first Tamil book I have bought . The motivating factor : RAJNIKANTH . Surely, any book about THALAIVAR has got to be interesting .
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT - by FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY . Even though I already had this exact same version of this novel, this was a steal at a mere forty bucks . And I also like the author's name a lot-Dostoyevsky has a rather nice ring to it .
THE PARTNER -by JOHN GRISHAM (Rs.40) . I bought this book strictly based on strong recommendations and it has quite exceeded my expectations .

Yeah, I GUESS THE NAME OF A BOOK MATTERS QUITE A LOT . What SAY ?

J K Mandir

2007-07-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Beautifully constructed, J.K. temple is a boon to the devotees. Built by J.K. Trust this architectural delight is a unique blend of ancient architecture with the modern. The even-level roofs o the mandaps have been provided with adequate ventilation for sufficient light and air. Among the five shrines that the temple has the central one s consecrated to Shri Radhakrishna and the other are adorned with idols of Shri Laxminarayan, Shri. Ardhanarishwar, Shri Narmadeshwar and Shri Hanuman. (Source : kanpurcity.com)

I was pleasantly surprised by this quiet , clean place situated in the middle of kanpur city . I never expected to see such a beautiful place in the big dirty dustbowl that kanpur is . It gave ample oppurtunity for photography , though it was sad that I had only my phone-cam (SE w810i) . But the photos that came out were far exceeding my expectations, thanks to the brilliant lighting , I guess . One other photo I liked a lot was (check out the reflection) :

your LIFE will be in SHAMBLES...

2007-07-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have just come back from a trip to Tirupathi (not Tirumala, mind you) and am bleddy tired, but can't resist recording this eventful trip. We started of early, at about 6'o clock and reached Puttur at around 8-15, including me driving for about 50 odd kilometres- my first long distance drive. Had breakfast and left.Spent half an hour trying to locate the chap whom we had gone to meet, Mr.Ramana. My mom sat down to discuss various issues with him including my future and my brother's future. while Mr. Sols and myself, we went to a mokkai-comedy film curiously titled "DUBAI SEENU" . Mr.Sols clearly enjoyed this film to the hilt, as was evident from the curious glances the other members of the audience gave him....for he was laughing non-stop throughout and not too softly at that. We went back to Mr. Ramana's office , called SPAVC-Sri Padmalaya Astro and Vasthu Center (I am not too sure abt what the P stood for though) . Apparently, my Mom wanted him to give me some counselling and put me back on the right track to success . He tried in vain as I retorted to his apparently "in-depth analysis of my life with the help of Uranus, Mars and Venus,etc." with questions which, of course, seemed quite clever to me. It was at this point that he uttered for the first time," If you don't understand what I am saying, your entire life will be in shambles! I have seen so many students ruining their lives in front of my eyes.". I burst out laughing and he thought I was going along with what he was saying. He must have been quite impressed with his 'shambles' statement, for he repeated it atleast two or three times, before he gave up . At this juncture, he turned to my Mom and said," veeli ni yevaru valla marchanu kadhu ma." (Ivangala yaaralayum thiruttha mudiyadhu ma/ No one can change these fellows) . They decided that bringing about any change in me then was quite impossible and turned to other important issues such as how Saturn was playing around with my Mom's life . I didn't speak another word till my Mom turned around to me and I was already outside by the time she said ," Pothama?" (Kalambalama?/ Shall we leave?) . Unfortunately, their discussion was not yet over and I had to wait for an hour in the car before she came out of the office, having discussed the futures of everybody we knew well enough to have a horoscope of theirs with us. It didn't end here- we had to pay a visit to Mr.Ramana's house- one more formality. Finally, we left . After a short break at Puttur again, we left for Chennai.

The journey started off nice and quiet, though it was not to be that way for long . Around ten minutes into the drive, we saw heavy lightning strike down on every side. In a matter of seconds, the whole goddamn area was engulfed in rain. I have NEVER seen rain which was so sudden and yet so heavy. My Mom believes she hasn't seen anything like it either. It was like as if we were driving through a wall of water. Visiblity was down to less than two meters. And as sudden as was its starting, so was it's ending . We were quite shocked and somewhat thankful that this frightful rain had stopped when we noticed the strong smell of DIESEL in the car . Diesel was leaking from the tank. It was scary to see the diesel spurt out every time the accelerater was pressed . We carried on slowly till we came to Tirutani and it took close to an hour to sort out the problem satisfactorily . What should have been a journey of two and a half hours took four hours , but we were safe and back at home .

As for whether my life will end up in 'SHAMBLES", we'll have to wait and see.

P.S : Mr.Sols is my brother-driver. He joined as a driver in our household around 10 years back and is now much more of a brother than a driver . And as for my blog name , this is an iconic dialogue from the Rajni starrer "Chandramukhi " .