Crashing Waves and Birds on a Tree

What in hell is freedom really?

I’ve got no clue, have never been free.

If I were, don’t remember it too vividly.

Childhood, maybe,

A time when I was, perhaps, relatively more “free”.

But there has always been,

and a constantly evolving one at that,

an image, a vision, an idea,

about what this elusive thing, called Freedom could be.

All youse imaginary notions of freedom!

Unlimited money to spend,

Power you just cannot breach,

And oh, a life of security and unending “happiness”!!!

(Err, did someone just say shopping???)

As for some poor wretched souls, nothing like death.

But ask a few people around, and for most it’s Choice.

I will pray to whomever I want!

Why can’t I study whatever I like?

I wish I had the choice to do that.

Or atleast something else, but not This.

Give me the freedom to do whatever I want!!!

Well,

What exactly do you want?

I’m sure you don’t know really,

And neither do I, but then.

I have a feeling of what it might be,

For me. Peace, and harmony.

Everything in this wonderful world of ours,

Is about two things – order, and chaos.

Control the world, we don’t. Change it, I can’t.

Forget about it, I must. In myself, I should trust.

Synchronized birds flying in vast blue skies,

Unimaginably still emerald green seas.

No emotion in the eyes, a hint of a smile.

A fleeting feeling, of freedom divine.

Zeitgeist - A Must Watch

It starts off quite nicely.
You have a nice laugh at all those silly religious people who have been getting fooled for centuries and centuries.
Jesus Christ was Krishna was some Persian God was some Egyptian God was a few hundred other gods.
All were born of virgin birth, on the 25th december(most of them), and travelled around with 12 disciples performing miracles.
The gods here is the Sun and the disciples are the twelve constellations.
I always felt religion, especially Christianity in today's age, is, and always was, a big farce. This video just sort of made me feel good about myself.

Then come the shocks. Boom-Boom-Boom.

I ain't blowing the whistle here. Go watch this documentary yourself. If your perception of governance doesn't change after seeing it, do tell me why.

Btw, 9/11 was an inside job. Consider this as the trailer. :D

A Letter to my Professor

Recently, one of my professors commented about how he too had once been on this side of the wall, and that he had gone through more than 20 years of academics to reach the other side. He further went on lecturing us about how we cannot and should not try to outsmart him when it comes to studies, assignments, exams, marks, etc. He further, rather subtly, threatened that he could, in all his academic glory and further glorified education values, set an examination paper which would bring us(the not-so-sincere students) down to our knees.
He must be in his 40's. Which means, his twenty years of schooling/college must have happened close to 15-20 years ago. This is a letter I would perhaps like to send to him, though not sure when.


Hello Sir,
I wanted to speak to you about your claim of knowing what it feels like to be a student, and it's possible you are right. I have my own thoughts on this subject, and I hope you can see them with an open mind.

Rather than jumping to judgmental conclusions about your claim, I request you to examine this point a bit more deeply first, through the following points.How much can the world, and especially the students' arena change in 20 years?
1. This is the twenty-first century. The world is changing so fast that the US Department of Labor estimates that today's learners(Grad/Post-Grad) will have 10-15 jobs by the time they celebrate their 38th birthdays. This is in direct contrast to the times in which you studied. In your time, to get one permanent job, with job security, was the ultimate dream. It ain't so anymore. The aims and aspirations of this generation are vastly detached from those of your generation.
2.Many of today's college majors didn't even exist 10 years ago, and the one I am enrolled in is so new that it's first batch is yet to pass out. Further more, the top 10 in-demand jobs of 2010 wouldn't have existed in 2004.
3.The amount of exposure the 21-year olds(Grads/PGs - Urban) of your current class have had is exponentially more than the exposure you yourself would have had when he was 21. A normal student in your class would have seen more than 10,000 hours of television and would have spent more than a thousand hours surfing the Internet, and atleast a few hundred hours on video games.Apart from this, they would have recieved more than 20,000 e-mails/text messages, and are members of various groups/communities online.
4. Google alone gets 3,000,000,000 searches per month. To whom were these questions addressed before Google? The point here being, the students of today not only have the liberty of asking questions but to get and make the answers as well.
5. The amount of technical information is doubling every two years. And this time period will only decrease. How much information can a human brain be expected to retain? And you take great pride in announcing that you are only teaching us what you yourself learnt during your days of college, your point being you enjoyed your college years and see no point we shouldn't.By the end of 2010, the time period for the doubling of technical information is expected to be less than a month.

A few more searches on Google and we'll have hundreds more of such numerical facts which will strengthen my own claim: A professor today was a student yesterday. But that doesn't mean he can understand what it means to be a student today. He cannot, for, Shift happens. This shift just cannot be stopped. We are currently preparing students for jobs and technologies that don't yet exist. They'll be solving problems we don't even know are problems yet. How can they be expected to have the same thought patterns as a student of pre-globalization era India?

Albert Einstein said,"We cannot solve problems using the same kind of thinking we used when creating them", and this pretty much sums up my feelings for my professor's thoughts. There is a generation gap, and we have to accept it and modify accordingly. It is ridiculous to keep fooling yourselves that the world hasn't changed from where you stand. It is though, ironic that it is sheer economics that drove us to Liberalization and Globalization, as a result of which Indian students have way higher access to all those things that my professors blame for the students' so-called degradation - Internet, Video Games, I-pods, Laptops, PDAs, etc.

On the other hand, the field of education is fast becoming stagnant and redundant - Nintendo invested more than 204 million US dollars in their Research and Development; The U.S. Federal Government spent less than half that amount on research and innovation in education. Any guesses on how much India spends on changing the way education is imparted in it's schools and colleges?

The stubborn-ness on the part of the people on the other side of the wall to see this as plain, neutral change, rather than to label it as rot, social crisis, spoilt-brats-phenomenon, etc. will help a lot in decreasing the student-professor communication gap. The tutorial/classroom environment is a thing of the past. A student can learn economics on his computer listening to Pink Floyd, while getting updates on his personal interests from his internet feeds. He'll be learning on his own terms. The student of today will learn what he wants to learn, but does not generally want to be taught what he doesn't want to learn. The professors want to teach us what they learnt, but they have to realize that we want to learn something else.

This entire argument leads up to the illusion of a paradox - we have convergence of the world and yet, the students want to diverge. This is the thin fine line between intellect and intelligence. Between knowledge and thought. Between being taught and learning. Let the students learn, and in the process, I am sure so will you.

Yours Sincerely,
One of those usually-absent students.

Catharsis

Life is so colorful, they say
Mine is becoming darker every day.
Mostly black and white, a monochrome.
with residual splashes of color, thoughts of home.

I walk amidst misery, in silent chagrin.
Screaming like crazy, from horrors within.
Reality tells me, go search the rubble,
My soul, torn apart, is not upto the trouble.

My family's gone, and a major part of me.
Them's all I have, wherever I see.
Tears flow out, breaking the vision.
Till a point where, it's complete submission.

All feelings gone, I cry no more.
Split open my heart, hidden all the gore.
and now, Life's just one big chore.
Nothing in this world matters anymore.


- Dedicated to all the isolated victims in natural disasters ...

Nemesis

Shadows of the mind,
in rays of light,dancing.
Myriad designs,
beyond understanding.

Hollow souls all around,
echoing within.
Contemplation fails.
with emotion ruling.

Disturbance,
and confusion.
I wander,
a pathless notion.

A song-bird,called clarity,
calls, now, and then.
Adding further,to the
perennial polarity.

A multitude of feelings,
varied as we are,
come and go.
The solitary peace,
continues to elude.

Peace, oh peace.
Ever-lasting peace,
I am afraid,shall remain forever,
my nemesis.

Proper Fucked

That's how the Indian urban roads are going to be once the Nano becomes common-place.

P.S. This is an SMS I got from SBI : "A Nano for every Indian with finance from State Bank Of India.For details, blah blah blah ...". And I know for a fact that we have enough idiots in our country who will take this statement to their hearts.

The single biggest problem in the world.

D-O-G-M-A

Rationality,Upper Bounds and Kaju Katli

Prelogue:
GajaBuja Fundas is the name of another blog I have. This piece was initially posted there, and makes an appearance here now since I feel bad about not having written anything here in a long while, but at the same time, am too lazy to write anything afresh.


Why the name Gaja Buja Fundas ? Why not Buja Gaja Fundas ? Could the answer be a rational one backed by logical thinking ?
Yes.
But unfortunately, rationality (w.r.t. the objective theory of self's happiness being supreme) is linked to the ultra-ambiguous 'Free Will'. We shall continue to call it 'Free Will' until we have a more scientific basis as to why we like something and why not something else .
For example, me eating Kaju Katli (an Indian sweet made with cashews) and immediately liking it is free will.Well, yeah, you can talk about taste buds and their correlation with the different molecules found in Kaju Katli, but you really don't know about the happiness part yet.
But if the whole world likes Badam Katli and only you like Kaju Katli, you still buying Kaju Katli every time you go to the sweet shop would be rationality.

So much for a name .
(There is an idea to make this a partnership blog with one more fundoo-ist. I would be Gaja and the other would be Buja. And of course, this blog would then be a collection of our funda-isms.)

Talking of rationality, one of my professors was talking about a modern philosophy called Bounded Rationality.
It goes like this : Each man's ability to take rational decisions has an upper limit,i.e. a bound.

My take on this theory : Yes, but the bound does not in any way imply the defeat of the theory of absolute rationalism. The bound will, gradually, grow outwards and eventually, disappear altogether. Eventually? Yeah, infinite time scale.
Why and How? I feel the bound exists due to what we don't know,i.e. our ignorance. If we knew exactly why(very ambiguous question indeed) we like only the molecules of the Kaju Katli and not the Badam Katli, the role of 'Free Will' gets kicked outta the window.

So, is this state of absolute rationality God? Maybe, maybe not.

_ ____ ____ ___ __________ ...

Meandering slowly through the cluttering with eyes wide open and an observant mind, I tread carefully to make sure I don't damage some fatally important finer detail. The triviality of some things amaze, while the sheer carefreeness of a few others frighten. I see paths leading off , off to no particular destination, in no specific terms of creation and the purpose of them all, defeats me. Even as I hope the one direction I am in holds good, a bigger way takes over in a new sense, a new sense of direction. A maze like none others.

Obstruse obstacles and blasphemous booby traps become common sight. The fights through the barricades and the frustrations of a few dead ends too, become routine.You start thinking of yourself,at most times, in the second or third person.I do.Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you know you are close to something of significance, but the mere complexity makes sure that's the closest you'll get to it. Sometimes you'd wish you had a nuclear bomb to blow it all up. And yet, at other times, it'll all seem so lovely that you'll wish it remain exactly as it always has been. Clouds make you conveniently not-see a few mountain tops, around which there never would be a way. But again, a few earthquakes might, for all you know make sure you'll never see the mountain at all. Confusion over your journey, but you never stop. Frankly, my dear, you can't.

You'll be aghast to see specific sights on the journey, while a sense of sweet deja vu, too, is possible. You'll see your own creations, and fight with them to survive. Maybe, a few will be on your side too, but you don't really know. Atleast not until the battle is over. But then again, when does it get over? Do you get to know? How do you get to know?Is there some way to know? Any way to know? Do you find the answers written on the wall or would you rather take it from the mirrors?

The mirrors. Oh, the mirrors would try all they can. To make you more confused. If that is possible in the first place, that is. Confusion through deception. Or other ways. You'll get more confused by thinking you aren't. Each of them telling you a story. The same, sometimes. Different each, at others. Of how it used to, how it is and how it will be. Of how it could be, how it should be, and how it would be. And how it is, again. And what you will do about it. What do you do? Do you do anything at all? Say something? But isn't silence supposed to be golden? Do I walk away? Which way, then? Left,right or into the sunset? The choice will be yours, but only if you are brave enough to make it. Keep making them. There is no gaurantee, really, that your first one would be correct, after all.

And so you make them. Sometime or the other, you have to;the path will make sure of it. All your choices seem to be a result of chance. You felt one to be better, left the others, realized a few roads down that it wasn't, tried to turn back, were successful;weren't, tried again, gave up, took a new turn all over again and continued on.On and on and on.

There is no signboard saying "The End", with classical music composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart playing in the background, but you know. It is. The End. You turn back and you can see all your journey.The paths you took and the paths you didn't. You try to ask the question, "Why them?". Even before you finish the question you know. There is no answer. That's who you are. Retrospection comes into play. You may even become smug, you never know.A self-professedly scientific chap, you, are even reminded of the butterfly effect. One small right turn down a seemingly harmless gully somewhere and I would have ended up a few light years away.

And this little walk down the conscience might have got dumped into the bay.

Into The Wild - full throttle cult

Christopher McCandless : "I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."

Awesome Movie. Nothing but the truth.

Go watch it.

Freedom

There is freedom in having nothing. There is also freedom in losing everything.

Close to my heart - Madras

Read something which I've been feeling a lot.Felt couldn't put it better myself, so here it is,

GIVE MADRAS BACK TO US

"We don’t want any of those integrated townships. We don’t need no DLF. Nor a Mantri. Nor a Hiranandani. One thing that all these new age builders coming into the city has done is made this beautiful city of Madras completely unlivable. Land prices have shot up the roof. Rs. 4500 per sq. ft. in Siruseri. Rs. 10,000 per sq. ft in T Nagar. Come of it. This is Madras and the beauty of the city lied in its quaint colonies and the mada streets. Where are those now. Today when I drive past CIT colony in Mylapore it is difficult to see a single independent house. Only apartments. It is really sad. Look at SS Vasan’s House on Radhakrishnan Salai. It is a piece of disaster today. An ugly looking building which calls itself Acropolis. To people living in the city like me since birth we are quite happy to be wear the conservative hat. Of being a city with enduring values and new age thinking. Of being a city with a higher state of mind. I clearly see Madras going the Bangalore route and it is time to wake up."

I found it on Metblogs, a very interesting site.

India After Gandhi - Axes Of Conflict

In his book, India After Gandhi , Ramachandra Guha broadly speaks about four axes of conflicts which are pre-eminent in India.
He further says,his book is nothing but "a story,above all, of social conflicts, of how these arise, how they are expressed, and how their resolution is sought." .

First up, there is the issue of caste - whom we fight,whom we fight against,whom we vote for and a whole array of other decisions are often taken based on caste in our society. Caste conflates into two Indian words: jati, the endogamous group one is born into, and varna, the place that group occupies in the system of social stratification mandated by Hindu scripture. There are four original varnas, with the former 'Untouchables' constituting the fifth and the lowest strata. Into these varnas fit the 3,000 and more jatis, each challenging those in the same region,that are ranked above it, and being in turn challenged by those below.

Second comes language. The Constitution of India recognizes twenty-two languages as 'official'. The most important of these is Hindi, which in one form or another is spoken by upwards of 400 million people.Naturally, national unity and linguistic diversity have not always been seen to be compatible. Indians speaking one tongue have often fought with Indians who speak another and the practice continues to exist.

Then there is religion. Though the vast majority is Hindus, India also has the second largest population of Muslims in the world(about 140 million; only Indonesia has more). Substantial communities of Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists, and Jains exist too and it should hardly be a surprise that Indians of one religion have many a times quarreled with Indians worshipping another God.

The fourth and final major axis of conflict is class. India is a land of massive economic polarization.While a sizable number of the world's billionaires are Indians, fully 26 per cent of our population, about 300 million individuals, are said to live below the official poverty line. While the disparity is in the form of landholding in the countryside, huge gaps between incomes is a common sight in the cities.And of course, these asymmetries have fuelled many a movement of opposition.


P.S. A minor axis of conflict to be noted, I feel, is sex. With growing protests on gender equality and any expression of male domination coming under national scrutiny, sex might turn out to become the fifth major axis of conflict someday.

India After Gandhi

The most interesting,intriguing,inspiring,exasperating,shocking,stunning,-and a whole lot of other adjectives-,diverse,difficult country.
The one and only India .

Everyone says they've read about the history of India,in the process completely forgetting that an India came into existence only on 15th August 1947. What they do know is about the pre-independence struggles over-glorified in our pathetic history text-books, peppered with a hundred and one misconceptions and more.For all practical purposes (and a few not so practical) , history has become synonymous with one date : 15th August 1947. History ended for most people on this day with a few exceptions, the Gandhian fanatics , for whom the date was extended to Jan 30, 1948 .

To know about the history of Independent India (India after Gandhi??) , read India after Gandhi by Ramachandra Guha .

200 pages into the book , and after many a revelation came to light, I felt it would be a good exercise to jot down some stuff here,and sincerely hope I manage to do so without falling into the pitfalls of procrastination.

I shall speak on specific topics later on, while this post shall serve as a general one.This series of posts will contain quotes, taken from Guha's epic work .

Ever since I started reading this book, one constant feeling which has been growing in my mind is awe. Of two different subjects- the author , who must have gone through tons of reading material , literally speaking ; and of the fact that 60 odd years after Independence , India is still existing as a single entity.

Alongside, an exponentially growing fear also came into existence - how long is it going to be before India breaks up due to internal strife ???

"There was no Indian nation or country in the past;nor would there be one in the future"

"Unlike France,or Germany or Italy, there was here no national essence,no glue to bind the people and take them purposively forward."

I look around myself-

• the mumbai-marathi problem
• the hindu-muslim problem
• the sikh nation (khalistan) problem
• the communist problems
• the anti-hindi and likewise , anti-regional languages problem
  
• northie vs southie issue
• naxalites and internal terrorism
  
• blah blah blah ....
  

"The heart hoped that India would survive,but the head worried that it wouldn't."

Void

What if
The weather's never been better
breakfast wasn't ever tastier
every single thing
going just the way
you want it to

time's at your command
problems a thing of the past
misery merely a myth
and on your face ,
the smile a perennial sign .

You are so happy
so , so happy
that you feel like
you're gonna go bust.

And what if
all this pleasure
were sucked inside out
leaving
an unfathomable void ...

even that ,
wouldn't come close
to losing a dear friend.

An Ode

Sitting in my seat , long before
the professor arrives to spread his wisdom.
For once , in all of four months
I ain't dying with boredom .

I can't wait to take down notes.
My pen races across the paper
without missing a single word .
And for once , I ain't
looking at my watch every five minutes .

Because I know that
when the bell eventually rings
The professor , the lecture hall,
the subject , and it's mystery
will all be history ,
that I won't care about .

The last lecture of the semester
Is truly a great experience to remember .

This Weather Bleddy Well deserves a post !!!

What's common to

• A tornado at a speed greater than 100km/hour and
  
  
  
• A blizzard , like the ones they got up at the north pole , harassing all those poor eskimos ?

If you said they are two extreme weather conditions , you would only be partially right .The more specific answer would be - these are the only two weather conditions Kanpur hasn't seen in the past two years .

Yeah , I know , it's a great opening for a blog post , but the credit ain't mine . It's been blatantly copied from this amazing review of Dasavatharam . Thanks , Mr.Jalsa-and-Jilpa .

Anyways,back to our topic - the weather .
A month and a half back , we had a sandstorm here in Kanpur . I saw people praying like it was the end of the world and yet others close their mouths only when they realized it was full of mud.At two o' clock in the afternoon , it become night here . An everlasting one for few - a coupla dozen poor souls lost their lives on that day .
It was C-R-A-Z-Y .

One month back , it was scorching hot and it was highly humid as well . For one week , it was like hell incarnate.Everything was hot .My notebooks , my shoes , my laptop , my bedsheet even . Sweating like crazy in prickling hot sunlight .
Whoever invented prickly heat powder is God . Really .
And then , it rained . And rained. And rained .

After two days of rains , for close to two weeks , we had what was definitively the best weather in Kanpur I've seen . So much it led my friend to go and blog about it .
And then , suddenly one day , I got up early in the morning , at 7 or so and opened the door to find summer staring at me in my face . It was so hot , I couldn't see without squinting my eyes .

For one day .

The next day it rained . A bit . But not much .

The next day was H-U-M-I-D . I had sweat written all over me .
But thankfully , it was not too hot .

And then , it was bleddy dry for two , the past two days . And it was that way till today afternoon . When it started raining . I look down from my room now and it's pretty much impossible to find a square metre of visible ground . Forget dry ground , that ain't here . It's been raining for 7 hrs on a trot , and heavily at that and shows no signs of slowing down .
.
.
.
.
Tomorrow , it is expected to snow here.Not a blizzard,most probably, but they say it's a possibility .
Well , just kidding , but I wouldn't be surprised if it did .

Dost , Nanban , snehithudu , Friend - College .

Sigma mnu into alpha delta will give the percentage of the faulty pieces in the output.
Sigma mnu into alpha delta.
Sigma mnu into alpha delta .


I was nervous and I had reason to be . In five minutes time , I had to give my presentation, and my head was swimming with greek alphabets I had no interest in. It doesn't really matter here . Your interest . What matters is the grade you get. Copy karo , bheek mango , fraud maaro , bas accha grade la do bas . Kaam Katham .

I was trembling as I took the mike and spoke first about the basics of the course and then this new innovative assembly line idea I had come up with. I had taken huge pains to learn all the coursework and had come up with something new that I thought would work out well .
But as I spoke with shivering notes in my hand and a trembling voice , I realized my thoughts had no relevance to the grading .My ideas fell upon deaf ears and my interests had no takers . I was a misfit here.

Frustrated I was. Anger swelled up in me as I returned to my hostel .
That fucken professor should be dismissed .
Chalo yaar , chai piyo , mast jiyo . Kai ke liye itna tension le rao ?? Chill mar bhai !!
As always ,Dhiresh was there to make life easier . And a few others .

Kya ? Fukka kaa liya ? Tik hai yaar ... agle baar dekh lete hain . Kya dikkhat hai ? ...

Chod diya ? Tumko chod diya ? Arey baap re ... Pagal hogi wo ladki . Tu chinta mat kar , usse sau guna zyaada mast bandi milegi tumko . Tumhari to kismat hi waisa hai ...


Rest le . Tu rest le pehle . Padai wadai sab bandh . Doctor ne rest lene bola hai aur wo hi karega tu . Chup Chaap juice piyo aur so jau . Chicken pox hai bhai , koi mazaak nahi ho rai idhar .

Cricket team mein select nahin hua , to kya ? Aur koi sport hi nahin hai kya ? cricket ke alava koi jeevan hi nahi hai kya ? Lite le lo yaar . . . Ek kaam kar , tu mere saath guitar seekhne aa jao , ek hi saal mein naya band form kar lete hain ...

Akele chal rahe ho ?Bahut door hai yaar service center . Bore ho jaoge . Ruk , mein bi aata hoon .

College mein dosti hoti hai .
Dosti mein masti hoti hai .
Aur padai bi usi mein hoti hai .

College main dosti bindaaz
to baaki sab bakwaas

Well , almost .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

College has , is , and will always be about the friends and their friendships . It's them who shape your personality , views and character . IITK is no exception . The technical demographics , the grades , cpi , spi , resumes , project reports , assignments , etc . will remain as pure details and nothing more .

The above post is part fiction and part non-fiction . The line between the two , is also , merely a part of the details .

I tribute this post to Dhiresh,Pratik,Pranay,Adarsh,Vinay,Sai and Sukrit . These guys have made my life at IITK memorable . Thank you chaps .

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

It was a sad thing to do
loved her more than his own self
but it had to be done
for it was the right thing to do

he had sacrificed a lot
for the few moments spent with her
memories of a lifetime
and grief for many more
but he still had to do it

it sure was not the happiest thing to do
but it was the right thing to do

it was a tough job
before , during and after
her blood would make his skin crawl
suck his soul right out of him
but it had to be done

though it was not the easiest thing to do
it definitely was the right thing to do

many souls , one plight
betrayal of love and trust
the worst crime of all
unknown brothers would thank him
while he would sink into sadness
but he still had to do it

it was not the most practical thing to do
but it was the right thing to do

one single thought kept nagging his mind
many a men she slept with
making each think he was the one
what if , I really was THE one ?
or was this how she had lived on ?
making everyone think they were ...

No more second thoughts
He would do it
for it was the right thing to do
and it had to be done .

-----------------------------------------------------

He shot me down
Bang Bang
I hit the ground
Bang Bang
that awful sound
Bang Bang
My baby shot me down
Bang Bang

Swivelling Layers of Condescension

I was born into this world hale and hearty
It was decided early on I was a smarty
And was written off to write the J E E
though elsewhere lay the interests of yours truly

With heart set to break tradition
I went into film and action
a hundred people had a hundred things to say
and made my family's view on me sway

this field became unworthy of my family's attention
they had to take care of their lofty reputation
My family withheld it's supple support and
I was left to find my own life transport

A few hardships for me and pity in my family stirred
All I had to do was shake my head and nod
I could become half my family business' head
and Prove to the world I was still of sterling breed

I did indeed , after a lengthy monologue , shake my head
A strong no it was and doors were forever shut
I was left alone , amidst confused love and tension
sinking , in the swivelling layers of condescension



The title and inspiration was a podcast I heard , by Suresh ......tamilians , do check out his podcasts...they are amazing .

P.S. This poem is not some self-reflecting poem or anything . I chose to write the JEE of my own stupidity .