FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Loneliness - Rewritten

I live amidst thousands of people on campus . Five thousand odd students . Another 5000+ campus residents . Apart from thousands of others going to and coming from the notorious Nankari region . There are innumerable forums to voice our views , most notably the internet . The counseling service sole purpose of existence is to make sure I don't feel too depressed .
There are 'bhais' and 'wingies' to have discussions on anything I want to . There is a 'baap' to ensure I get properly oriented to this place . So many clubs , so many groups , all to make sure none of my hidden talents go wasted . So many people , so many activities .
Night -long brainstorming sessions followed by relaxing tea breaks at MT , and then to sleep , to big,big dreams , revolutionary ideas , path breaking innovations . So many people , so many ideas , so many discussions , so many activities . So much I've done ; so much I am doing ; so much I've yet got to do .
Stop .
Why in fucken hell then am I feeling so lonely here ?
Long,long pause .
Am I lonely or do I see myself as being lonely ? I definitely am not lonely in a physical sense . But even speaking of the mental plane , am I really lonely ? Or am I just convincing myself that I am lonely ? The latter seems more convincing for the moment . Yes , I am just fooling around with myself . Heck, I am NOT lonely . Atleast do not feel that way right now .
So long till I feel lonely enough to sit down and write such crap as I have just written .
Ha Ha Ha Ha .

1 comment:

Riya said...

It isn't all that hard to feel lonely even if you're surrounded by mobs of people who actually give two hoots about you....
I sometimes think that feeling lonely is my mind's way of telling me to go out and do the things I want to do, to mingle, to socialise- even to recognise that life can be so much more....
Anyways, that doesn't really have much to do with anything.
This is pretty coherent for a random rant about feelings :)

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